Growing up Pureblooded

Tea at Four

     At breakfast the next morning, Aries received a handsome eagle owl bearing a note written in his dad's carelessly-elegant handwriting. He chuckled as he untied it from the bird's leg, then turned around to look at Sirius, who was eagerly devouring his breakfast at the staff table. Aries caught his attention, then pointed to the note with a questioning expression on his face. Sirius shrugged, as if to say, "How the hell should I know?" then gestured for Aries to read it. The dark-haired boy shook his head at his dad's antics, then turned back around and opened the note.

     The letter bore the family crest at the top, which was Aries's first clue that something was off. Sirius usually only displayed the family crest in two places: his ashtray and his dartboard.

     From Sirius Orion Black, the note began, Head of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black; Father, Defender, Legal Guardian and Sometime Friendly Acquaintance of Aries Sirius Black; Professor of Defence against the Dark Arts, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, etc.

     To Aries Sirius Black, Spoilt, Negligent and Ungrateful Brat When I graciously deigned to grant the repeated and wearisome petitions of Headmistress Minerva McGonagall that I should take up the post of Defence Master this term, I naturally thought that my son, who has so often purported to possess bounteous quantities of filial reverence and affection for my person, would be pleased at the opportunity to spend more time with his adored Parent. This impression seemed at first to be confirmed by said Offspring's friendly demeanour at the Sorting Feast. Imagine my astonishment and dismay when said Offspring made no effort to locate and converse with said Parent after the Feast, or even at any time during that evening, despite the fact that said Offspring possesses both a certain useful article that enables him to locate anyone in Hogwarts at any given time, as well as the means to pass discreetly from one part of the castle to the other with infinite ease. I should have thought that said Offspring would have been more excited to see said Parent's truly wicked private quarters, to which said Parent had been intending to give said Offspring unlimited access, before said Offspring gave evidence of his abominable and unnatural lack of filial respect for his Parent. I wonder whether said ungrateful Offspring has given due thought to the potential advantages of having a loving, doting, affectionate and all-around brilliant Parent on the Hogwarts staff.

     In case you have not decided utterly to forsake all contact with your coolest of Parents, said Parent will be available in said quarters this afternoon at 4 o'clock, and might consider allowing said Offspring to join him for tea, provided, of course, that the supposed Heir of the Noble and Most Ancient, etc., has some sufficiently-persuasive explanation for why he has abandoned his duties to his lord and father.

I remain, etc., etc.,
Disappointedly yours,

     Professor Black (known to appreciative and respectful Offspring as 'Dad')

      PS – By "sufficiently-persuasive," I mean, naturally, such unavoidable crises as the destruction of the cosmos, your premature death due to an impromptu staring match with a basilisk, your absence from the castle last night because you were occupied in saving a remote tribe of South American wizards from a band of rampaging Muggles, or something of similar consequence. Saying "I forgot" will result in your slow and painful disembowelment, to be followed by having your head mounted on the wall of our illustrious family home as a warning to all future generations of Black Offspring.

     Aries looked up from the letter and over his shoulder at the staff table, where Sirius was affecting a look of haughty indifference to anything that might be going on at the Gryffindor table. Aries rolled his eyes and turned back to his breakfast. Across from him, Draco was reading through his own similar note.

     ARIES frowned. Draco wasn't quite used to having Sirius as his dad yet. He might take the Marauder's barbs too personally. However, when Draco finished reading, he seemed surprisingly to be the very picture of equanimity. "What did your note say?" Aries asked.

     Draco shrugged. "Something about a Dark ritual Dad's planning on conducting in his quarters at four this afternoon in order to make me the Heir of the family." Aries snatched the note from Draco's hand. "Let me see that," he snapped. He looked down at the parchment.

     Dear Draco, it read.

     Tea at four. My quarters. Make sure Aries comes too. You can use the You-Know-What to find me. Password's "Jamais Pur."

Love,
Dad

PS – I hope we don't have to use owls to communicate all year! (hint, hint)
PPS – Take the piss out of Aries for me.

     Aries glared at his blond brother, who sat smirking evilly at him as he nibbled his bacon.
"What did I ever do to you?" he demanded with faux indignation.

     Draco raised his eyebrows incredulously. "Where ought I to begin?" he replied. "What about that time you fed my pet rabbit to Kaa?"
"He was hungry," Aries retorted defensively. "And besides, Kaa was sentient. Mr Fluffybottom was just a dumb animal." "As far as you know," Draco sneered.

     Aries ignored his retort. "In any event, Aunt Cassie chopped Kaa up for potions ingredients the next day," he spat. "So you got your justice." Draco shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Aries's eyes narrowed. "It was Aunt Cassie who killed Kaa, wasn't it?" he asked in a harsh whisper. His brother squirmed. "Perhaps not technically." His face brightened. "But she did use him for potions ingredients. That part was true."

     "Murderer!" Aries snarled. "Capital punishment is hardly the same thing as murder," Draco said primly. "Besides, you of all people are hardly in a position to criticise me for killing other people's pets. Who was it, again, that killed Bilius's rat?" "You wanted him gone! He was sitting on your bed." "Ah yes, but you didn't have to kill him, did you?" Draco pointed out. "Come to think of it, you seem to have a rather bloodthirsty history, Aries, when it comes to pets, what with Scabbers, Mr Fluffybottom...not to mention Medusa."

     "That fiendish feline was pure evil," Aries growled. "And she was an accident anyway." "Both true," Draco admitted cheerfully. "But Grandmother was still very upset." "So, you went along with Dad's request as revenge for Medusa?"

     "Hell, no!" Draco replied. "I was thrilled when you killed her. Accident or no, they ought to have given you the Order of Merlin for that. She was awful." "Well, you killed Kaa as revenge for Mr Fluffybottom, so what excuse do you have for playing along with Dad now?" Aries demanded.

      Draco shrugged. "It was fun." "Bastard," Aries grumbled. The twins were watching the two stepbrothers all this time with fascination. "Blimey, Aries, it wasn't even that big of a joke," George pointed out. "Aren't you the one who's always saying, 'If you can't take it, don't dish it out.'?" Fred asked. "It wasn't the joke, Aries said indignantly. "It was the perfidious treason. How would you feel, Fred, if George sold you out to your mother?"

     Both twins' faces froze in identical expressions of horror. "How could you?" they demanded of Draco. Draco groaned. "Thanks, Aries." His brother grinned back. "Any time. So, tea at four, then?" Draco nodded, and both boys returned happily to their bacon and eggs, leaving the Weasley twins to wonder just what exactly they had observed.