Envy

Part 1

I sat in my room, bored and thinking about Jack again. I can't believe its already been since 4th grade when we were friends. Were in 9th grade now, how time flies.
I picked up my phone and texted jack: "hey do u wanna go to the skatepark today im kind of bored lol"
I waited for a response.
"sure!"

Jack replied.

I ran to grab my skateboard and helmet and started to ride to his house. I'm glad we live near by, it makes it easy to hang out. I rode down the asphalt, the wind blowing through my brown hair. I tried to do an ollie but almost fell. I'm not that good at skating, but Jack was the one who got me into it. Which makes it even better.

I arrived at the skatepark. He was already waiting there. Oh god damnit, his stupid girlfriend Lilly was there too. I should've known, he brings her everywhere now.
"Hi Jaxon!" Jack said. He stood there with his skateboard. Oh god he's so pretty.
"Hi" I replied.

I looked over at Lilly, her just existing makes me mad. I don't even know why, I should be happy for Jack for finally finding love, but I'm not. She stood there with her skateboard and helmet. She gave Jack a pec on the check and they both giggled. Man, I hate that girl. I guess I didn't realize how jealous my face looked cause she was holding back a laugh. 

We rode to the skatepark that was pretty close to where Jack lived. Jack started skating, he looked like a pro. He was so cool, doing kickflips and ollies over the rails. I've been practicing my ollies but I'm still not the best. I gave myself a push and attempted, I almost fell what a loser.

Lilly noticed me struggling and ollied over a kids backpack just to fuck with me. What a show off. I tried a kickflip but I fell on my ass.
Lilly was covering her mouth holding back another laugh. I tried again and almost landed, but this time she was actually laughing. How rude, I'm just a beginner.

We skated for another hour or two then Jack suggested we ride to the Dairy Queen near his house which was walking distance or in our case, skating distance. 

We got there and Jack and the ugly ape were making stupid lovey dovey talk. I wish they'd stop it's really annoying. They gave each other smooches and called each other baby. It made me sad for some reason I don't know why. I DO NOT have a crush on him. I'm straight.. Right? It's just that I miss when it was just us.

"What do you want to order?" Jack said.
"Oh my god we should share a drink!" Lilly squealed in her annoying high-pitched voice. She was trying so hard to sound cute.
"Oh I'll just get a mint blizzard" I replied trying to keep the annoyance off my voice.

Lilly signaled me to sit down at a table far enough for Jack to not be able to hear them while he was waiting for the ice cream.
"So what's it like to be dating such an amazing person?"
"Oh its wonderful! We play games together, and watch movies, and share drinks, and cuddle, and.."

She just kept going on and on about how he was such an amazing boyfriend. It reminded me of the time when WE did all that stuff alone without Lilly. I miss those times. We were so close that some people even thought we were a couple! We weren't though we're both straight. I think. I've actually been thinking about my sexuality and I think I might be bi. I think girls AND guys are pretty.

"JAXON!" Lilly snapped.
"Oh sorry" I said as a realized I had zoned out.
"You know, I've been thinking about my sexuality and I might be bi." I whispered
"Oh cool" She replied, only half paying attention.

Jack finally came with the ice cream and sat beside Lilly. They both shared the drink with 2 straws. I watched. It had somehow brought down my mood. I smiled just incase my mood showed through my face. They giggled and gave each other smooches. Why.. why did Lilly have to ruin everything.

Back at Jack's house we thought about watching a movie. Lilly wanted to watch a scary one so of course we were going to because she's soooo special . Jack microwaved a bag of popcorn and sat down on the couch next to Lilly. He gave her his sweater that looked way too big on her. 

The movie started as they were cuddling and giggling. I tried to ignore them but I couldn't. I imagined me in her place. Why can't I be sharing drinks, and hugging him, and playing video games, and watching tik toks or YouTube with him. I hope he smiles as much as I do when he's texting me. I hope he loves me.. Oh shit. This is really starting to sound like a crush isn't it. I promise we're nothing more than friends and I love him platonically. I think.

I looked over at them and they both looked scared. I looked at the screen and realized I had zoned out this whole time. I really am dumb aren't I. 

After the movie ended Lilly said she was staying over.
"Hey can I stay too?" I asked kind of awkwardly, waiting for a response.
"Yeah you can stay in the guest bedroom!" 

My heart sank. I fake smiled and nodded.

"Oh I didn't bring P.J's could I maybe borrow one of your sweaters?" I said still in my jeans from earlier.
"Yeah there should be some old sweaters from my older brother in the guest room." He replied.
"Oh."

I slipped off my shirt and jeans and threw on a Denver Broncos orange and blue sweatshirt I found collecting dust in the closet. I could hear them giggling through the wall. I scrolled through Instagram to keep my mind off being jealous. I could hear them faintly speaking through the walls. It was 1:45am I should go to bed soon.

"Hey have you noticed, Jaxon's been acting a little weird lately." 
I heard Lilly say, and listened as close as a could. They were talking about me. 
"How so" Jack replied
"He seems a little sad most of the time."
"Oh.. Do you know why?" Jack asked trying to be quiet.
"Well when you were getting the food earlier today he told me he had been thinking about his sexuality..."

My heart started to race. Would she tell him? What if he finds out? Or worse, what if he's homophobic.

"And said something about... being bi.."
I felt my heart stop.
" I wonder who's making him question his sexuality?" Jack said.
"Yeah" Lilly replied.

My hand went over my mouth.

"maybe some cute guy in our neighborhood, or at school."
"Yeah."

I crossed my fingers hoping they didn't say anything about me having a crush on him.

"I'm tired.. I'm gonna go to bed" Lilly said.
"Me too.. Goodnight baby" 
I could hear Jack kiss her.

I tried to fall asleep imagining what him and Jack would be doing if he had never met Lilly. 

TO BE CONTINUED