I'm doing this now as this emo me is still on. This second of my life was the most (okay, one of the most) nerving seconds I have ever encountered. It was my turn to speak...
Yeah, well I'm not the noisy-type of person that could really say what's inside and people will agree, symphatize, understand (like the heck? How?). I'm just good in making scribbles in this long bond paper I have.
Why are there staring at me? Oh yeah, I really need to get up and speak.
"Uhmm.." Take in a deep breath and...
"I'm not like the most of you in which happiness or graduating is their goal in life." I live a very miserable life, I know that. "You see these chains? This things block my sight to see it. These are my hindrances..."
I should have said more for the intro like explaining why I can't choose or the idea of happiness, contentment, is what really people are chasing. Being happy doesn't really mean it's the best moment but the moments in which you know you did your best.
But, I continued to my scribbles.
"You see this clock? Well like most of you I have a problem in time management," And actually the time really because I don't have a watch. "I seldom do things at the right time and that at nights I feel like my body needs to sleep and I will say to myself that I can do it tomorrow and stuff."
Well it's also that time is the problem, sometimes, it's too fast and then slows down big time. Maybe a little explaining should help for them to understand what I may have to say. Like examples of my being a wrong timing-kind of a person in which my actions are really in their worst possible timing. And that time, the clock, is just F...
I just wake up between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning most of the times, the 3:33 incident in the bedroom, and then another thing happened. A large rat like thing (or my blanket but I'm sure it is something moving) just went in my bed and pushed and pushed me from the sides. I freaked and didn't knew what to do. I just went into my proper sleeping position and slept all the way though it was really hot. It's just awful... I should have said something...
Then there was the telescope.
"As you can see or recognize, this is a telescope. Well it represents me being so bored in just a short period of time or something that I don't know what I really like. When I see something like there, and then when I caught a glimpse of this then my focus will immediately be here. I will abandon what was there."
I think I'm fine with that truth of mine.
Then there's this box that says don't open, closed... It obviously means confinement. This emotions that are locked in this tiny little box, well they can't get out or I don't know how to really let them out..."
Sigh...
"I'm not good at saying at these things. I blurt out nonsense when I have teeny-tiny chances to say what's in here. So, I just lock them all up."
It's the real me that's confined in that box.
Then I remembered that there's another one so I checked it again.
"Oh yeah and these represent my thoughts, just like emotions, I couldn't let them out..."
I panicked.. what's that drawing really means? Oh yeah.. those were the thoughts that kept blocking my brain in to what's really I need to think at that moment. My head is haywired...
Then, I feel something's missing. Hmm, what's that other sketch in my paper? I don't really remember.
"So that's it..." I sat and looked...
The key... with an A....
How did I miss this part? Well A represents the word in whether you're in or out which was my problem from what I could remember. I can't accept changes easily on what happened and what is happening. The key is that one little thing that could unlock at least a part of that end of the road. Accept means me accepting myself... I can't accept myself... I can't accept that this is what I am today... My family... my brother... Dad...
Me...
