Turn Back Time | vsoo

The start of the Ending

It's already 6 in the evening but I'm still here at the university, hanging out in the domicile.

My mind was a mess. 

From that day on, I always avoid Taehyung's stares. 

His stinging stares at me whenever I'm talking to someone or just plainly walking around the hall. Aside from I've always seen it in my peripheral vision, I can feel it too.

It was such a depressing thought.

Coming back from my thoughts, I look at the poetry section knowing the latest work of "Vante" is there. 

I fell in love with his works. It became my haven whenever I feel blue. I can feel every word in the poem that tells such emotions and how it relates to mine. 

Though, his poets are very popular, no one knows who he is. But I am eager to know who is behind this entire poem.

I smiled while reading the title. "What if's?"

"What if you have the chance to follow the smoke that is breaking free, would you seize it, even if you knew you couldn't hold it?"

"What if that specific lie you tell is the venom that sting in your mind could kill yourself slowly, torturing you gently, would you regret what you have done to stay away from harm?"

I eagerly comprehend every word in the poem. As memories filled my thoughts while reading out loud. I find myself deeper into it.

While reading it over and over again, I was then brought back to those memories that haunts me right now.

"What if you have the chance to follow the smoke that is breaking free, would you seized it, even if you knew you couldn't hold it?

***

We are at the mall with my friends right now. 

Jennie want us to go with her to buy a gift for her boyfriend, Kai. How I wondered how heavy this gift would be that she really wants us, Lisa and Roseanne with her. I sighed.

I'm really not into shopping. I just want to go to bed all day and hibernate like a bear. 

Weird as it may, but it's just the way I am.

"Soo..." I look at Lisa, while the spoon is still at my mouth. We are currently in a café.

The three looked at each other. Jennie sighed and looked at me.

"Are you and Taehyung stil okay, Soo?" Jennie asked me with a serious tone.

"Huh?" I was taken aback. I don't like where this topic is going.

"What we mean is that you know in the past you guys are like put together with glue. Damn, you guys never even go out without the other. But right now, it's been like 2 weeks since we've seen you both together." It was Roseanne this time.

"Yeah. And lately, you're always silent. You rarely smile now. We're just worried, you know." Lisa said while squeezing my hands.

I felt guilty towards them. I have been down ever since. I want to tell them, but I'm scared. 

I'm not the type of person to be open about how I feel. Heck, I don't even cry that easily. But this days, everything just feels so heavy.

I avoided their worried eyes and looked outside ----wait! Is that Taehyung?! What is he doin' here?

I know he's been avoiding me and all. Giving me excuses like how he's busy with school works. 

Even today, I texted him to meet up so that I can ask him what happening between us, but he declined and said he's not feeling well.

I stared at him while he was looking everywhere with his phone in his ears, talking. Until he stopped and smiled at someone. It was a girl approaching him.

When I look at them smiling at each other. I instantly looked down.

"I- uhh--umm. ." I looked at my friends, still waiting for me to say something.

I turn to look outside again. Only to meet his gaze. I was about to mouth everything to him, to ask him who is he with... but he just looked away and grabs the girl's hand. 

They both walked away from our location.

I want to stand up and get him. To grab his hands gently intertwine it into mine. 

But I can't. I couldn't and I don't know why.

Instead, I just sit there, dumbly, while he was disappearing faintly to my sight.

. . ."What if that specific lie you tell is the venom that sting in your mind, could kill yourself slowly, torturing you gently, would you regret what you have done to stay away from harm? "

***

"Why Tae? W-why" My voice cracked. My jaw clenched. I was stopping myself from crying in front of him.

But instead of answering, he just avoided my eyes. 

My heart broke because of this. This is just like déjà vu. Just like what happened the other day when I saw him with that girl at the mall. He just avoided my eyes. 

Again.

I became angry. "Is there someone else?"

"No! There isn't. it was just-- you know what. It doesn't matter. Even if I explained everything, nothing would change." He sighed.

"Let's just break up." Now, saying this phrase without breaking his gaze at me. 

Emotionless.

This is what I'm seeing in his face right now.

I took a step back.

And I run. 

Away from him. Cause aside from hiding this effin' tears away from him, I also run for the sake of not being seen as dumb. For holding on to something that there isn't anymore.

I was pulled away from my thought when I heard a familiar voice behind my back.

"What if--" I turned around and there he was.