Out of the Ashes: Epilogue to The Hunger Games

Out of the Ashes 2

Don't Leave

I close my eyes and breath in the scent that's a mix of flowers, fresh new leaves on the trees and sunshine. I sink into this moment and try to memorize this place so I can go to it again on cold chilly days. It's the end of May now. Johanna and Adrian just got back from their honeymoon yesterday. They went to District Four and stayed in a house on the ocean front. It must have been beautiful. I remember when Peeta and I visited Four. We toured the beaches and I remember remarking at its beauty. We are by the ocean in Twelve, but it's a long journey, it'd take a week by foot. And no one lived there. Who knows about now though. Johanna brought me back a container of sand and shells from the seashore. It smells like salt from the water, but the shells are really what's beautiful. Pink and swirls of white on one and another is actually a sea creature called a starfish. I put the dish of sand and shells on my nightstand by my candle when we got home so I can see it everyday now.
Peeta brushes my arm, "Here." He says handing me some berries in a pouch. I take them and taste the sweet tartness from the berries explode on my tongue. We came here mostly for me. I've been cooped up in the house for so long mourning life, that Peeta insisted we go out. It's been suggested as part of my therapy as well. Just getting me to do things that I used to enjoy. Peeta packed us a picnic that we eat now as we look out at the valley.The trees are looking so much greener now and have lost that brownish look they get right before they blossom into green spectacles. I look at Peeta and find his eyes trained on me. He has been so concerned for me. And won't let me out of his sight. I think he is afraid that I'll do something stupid, now that I'm severely depressed and awaiting the saving hands of the meds. I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm alright Peeta. I'm happy here. Thanks for bringing me to this place."
I'm not expecting what happens next. Peeta suddenly bursts into tears. I instinctively come closer to his side. And he wraps his arms around me. "Oh Katniss don't you leave me. Don't even think about it. I can't do this on my own."
I don't know where this is coming from, or maybe I do. Last night I was feeling so down. Really down and I told Peeta that sometimes I wished I didn't have to live with the pain anymore. It was just a down moment but I guess it really affected him, I should have kept my mouth shut. . . for his sake.
"Peeta, no, I'm not leaving your side. Not even if you order me away." I try to soothe him by brushing his hair back in between my fingers. "I'm not leaving you. I'm so sorry."
Peeta just sobs and I let him soak my shirt with his tears. Finally he stops and I lay him back against my chest in my arms. I feel so bad that I have upset him so, but don't know what else to do. We lay there for a while listening to the birds chirp and squirrels play by a nearby tree and I get Peeta to notice them which makes him smile. Then he stares up at me and takes my face in his hands and kisses my lips.
"I'm so sorry Peeta, I didn't mean what I said. . ."
"I know, but I just can't bear the thought. I'd go mad without you here. I'd go mad."
"Peeta." I can't stand that thought either and want to block out these thoughts so I kiss him again before we get up to head home.
It's evening when we get back. I decide to do something to show Peeta I am in control of things so I fix supper. Chicken fried with baked potatoes. And after Peeta gets out some frosted cupcakes for dessert. We say little to each other and soon it's time for bed. I feel bad about what happened earlier and wish I could think of something reassuring to say to Peeta, but I can't. If words won't make it right than what will? I look at his sad expression, the same one he has been wearing all afternoon and frown. It's not fair. Why do I feel so sad all the time, why does the pain feel so fresh and unbearable still? These questions swarm my mind and worry me, and now it's me crying but I hide the tears from Peeta's eyes by escaping to the bathroom. I lock the door and huddle on the floor and sob. I rock myself back and forth ignoring the fact that Peeta tries desperately to coax me out. But it's no use. I'll just make it worse for him. I'm feeling so worthless and pointless, but go to the door and unlock it now.
"Peeta." I say and lock my arms around his neck. "Peeta, I'm so sorry. I don't want to leave you." And we are both comforting each other now and tearing as we speak. We talk for a while about how I've been feeling and the things Peeta is haunted with until we both calm down are finally able to sleep tired from all the sobbing.