You remind me of the babe

Part 1

Someone tripped over his feet.

Immediately Warriors sat up from his blankets, brandishing the dagger he hid under his pillow. He hoped the loud beastly sound that came out of his mouth sounded intimidating. In truth his eyes were still shut and his brain was still half-asleep. "MMmmHMM?"

A short chuckle came from above him. "Sorry about that, Cap," said Hyrule. "My bad."

"Auuugh?" Warriors said again. He still waved the knife around. "Rahrahrah!"

Hyrule reached down and plucked the knife out of his hand, replacing it with a warm mug. "Here," Hyrule said. "Drink this. It will wake you up."

"Rah?" Warriors was dimly aware it was coffee. He always had a cup in the morning as soon as he woke up. He mumbled what he thought was a thank you, and brought the mug close. His lips smacked in anticipation. He took a long, deep sip.

Warrior's eyes flew open and quickly turned his head, spitting out the offensive liquid from his mouth. He gagged and heaved. "That tasted like dog piss!"

"Hey!" Hyrule protested. "I worked real hard on my coffee!"

"That was coffee?"

"Don't be dramatic." Hyrule rolled his eyes and took the mug back. "But now that you're awake, come over. I'm making breakfast."

"Oh lord..." He rubbed a hand over his face and stood up, letting his blankets fall off of him. He yawned and stretched, cracking the bones in his back. "Why are you making breakfast? Where's Wild?"

"Still asleep," said Hyrule, taking his place back at the cooking pot. Inside the pot something flesh-colored was bubbling thickly. "So I thought I'd do the nice thing and give him a break and make breakfast myself."

The pot suddenly burst into flames.

"Oh no, not again-!"

Warriors watched the theatrics for a few seconds and then turned away, rubbing a hand over his face to rid the sleep. He turned towards the bundle of blankets that was Wild-shaped and wandered over. Wild wasn't far away but Warriors was still half-asleep. He yawned and blinked wearily, his feet shuffling on the grass. He passed Twilight and Time, who were coming back from the river bank. Their faces were freshly glistening from their morning shave.

Twilight noticed Warrior's destination. "Let him sleep. We can do one morning without him cooking."

Warriors only had to point to the cooking pot. Hyrule hummed happily as he stirred the pot vigorously, spilling splatters of stew onto the grass below. The grass began sizzling.

"Ah..." Twilight said. "Never mind."

With Daddy-Twi's approval in hand, Warriors kneeled down to Wild's bundle of blankets. A smile quirked on his lips. The kid was wrapped up in his blankets like a cat. Only the top of his head peeked out, showing off his honey-wheat hair. Unlike the others who slept with arms and legs spread out, Wild liked to curl in on himself, burrowing deep into his own warmth. Warriors felt a little bad needing to wake him. Only a little.

"Hey Wild," said Warriors. He reached out and shook the hidden shape. "Time to wake up and save us from hunger and food poisoning. Hey. Hey."

The blankets shook and rumbled. Slowly the head rose up and Warriors pulled back his hand. "Sorry for waking you. I can make it up to you with-"

Wild sat up, the blankets slipping off. He yawned and stretched and rubbed at his eyes. "Hmmm?"

"Um..." Warriors said. Slowly he called out over his shoulder, "Uh... guys...? We have a situation."

Eight year old Wild was still rubbing at his eyes. His face scrunched up at the effort, his tiny button nose sniffling. His fat cheeks were devoid of burn scars. His perfectly shaped ears were also missing his piercings. His hair was shorter, flopping down to his neck. He blinked, finally waking full, his bright blue eyes staring straight at was no recognition in them.

"What's... going on...?" Wild said softly. Realization struck him and he gasped, shoving himself to his feet. He may have reverted back to his youth but his clothes had not. His beloved blue champion tunic sat on him like a dress and his trousers barely hung onto his hips. "Who are you?" He demanded. "Where am I? Where's my dad?"

By now the others had come over, gaping at the sight. Immediately Warriors regretted his decision to call them as their sudden presence wasn't helping the situation. Wild moved further back, his confusion and panic becoming more pronounced.

Legend asked, "How did this happen?"

"Did he shrink?" Sky said.

Twilight reached out towards his protege. "Wild, are you-?"

Wild flinched away from his hand. Wild's legs tangled around his over-sized trousers and he toppled over in an undignified heap. His dress-shirt flew up, exposing his derriere.

Warriors couldn't help it- he snorted.

Wild glanced over his shoulder, eyes wet from humiliation. He looked down upon his half-naked form, then up at the group who were staring right back as intensely. His eyes grew wider.

"RAPISTS!"

"Whoa!" Warriors said, holding up his hands in alarm. Everyone else had the same reaction, backing away immediately. "No, nobody here is like that-!"

"Help!" Wild screamed into the empty forest. In a panic he kicked off his trousers and scrambled to his feet. He had no trousers, no pants, no shoes, and his beloved Sheikah Slate was still sitting by his bedroll. Despite this, he took off running, still screaming into the forest. "Help! Rapists! Perverts! Degenerates!"

Everyone hesitated in going after him. After all was it wise to chase after a half naked boy who was convinced he was trying to get away from the worst of society? No matter their intentions, it was going to make things worse.

"Get out of my way!" Wind suddenly said, elbowing the others to move. "I'll go after him! You all figure out what happened!"