Victimized

Pretty much the whole entire story

            

A few seconds after he revealed his true identity, I took a quick gasp and nearly fainted down to the floor. Yeah, too bad he was running at full speed like a cheetah right at me armed with a very sharp and shining knife. Maybe he just wants a hug. I’m pretty sure I didn’t steal any Ramen Noodles or some valuable food from him in the past.

Yet I suddenly wake up and realize what is happening.

I’m sorry but…I have to go now Mr. Therapist. I quickly ran towards the nearest door without thinking about whether there was an exit or not. Heh. A window. Good thing we are on the first floor. I jump out through the opened window.
“Aim for the bushes,” I tell myself.

Then I land on the ground. Few scratches, few ouchies (if that’s what you even call them). My conclusion after that fall: concrete is hard. I better take on note of that. Next time I’ll aim for the grass if there aren’t any bushes.

I start running again.

Haha. You can’t get me bro…Too slow for you (2slow4u). Too bad he is literally 2 feet away from me. Let the energy outbreak begin. I continue running.

Okay so I have a mental psychiatric disorder in my head, I feel very humorous right now but in the same time depressed, there is a crazy man who is a faker holding a knife that is currently chasing me, I’m running as fast as I can which is something I’ve never done for about 6 years now, and not one single person around me is even attempting to help or call 911.  

I’m literally saying this in my mind right now: Hello um…this is Tony…um…can you bystanders out there please help me? Because I really need some help here. I mean, call the police maybe? Um…If you cannot already tell, the guy with the knife is the bully, and the guy running away from the guy with the knife, me, is the victim. I know that the knife guy is wearing a suit but like, that is his disguise, you know? He wears a suit to try to deceive you that he is the victim here even though he is obviously carrying a knife and is chasing an unarmed man.

I continue running, but instead I reach a dead end. Damn it. I’m stuck.

As the armed man quickly starts to catch up with Tony, Tony notices a (very, very, very random) ladder on the wall that leads up to an obstacle course full of series of rocks that Tony needs to pass in order to run/move on.

Yep. It is time to Indiana Jones this. So here I go, about to Indiana Jones the crap outta this difficult parkour for the first time, with no professional gear on. I mean, I’ve played parkour in video games but, mouse and keyboard is probably way easier than this.

I climbed up the ladder and carefully climbed the tall rock. And then something happened. Something sharp and metal went right through me quick, like a tiny, spear that was the same size as one of those tiny pencils that you’ve sharpened too much in class. But…he wasn’t that close, and he was only armed with a knife…right…?

I collapsed to the floor and landed on top of my oozing blood.

Cheater. Cheater, cheater, cheater. That is how I describe him.

Hey, um…Mr. Satan, controller of hell, whatever your name is, can you like, make me alive again? Like, that knife dude cheated. He used a gun, and that is against the rules.

“NO. YOU SHALL NOT BE REVIVED. YOU ARE DEAD. FACE IT. CHEATERS ARE PART OF LIFE,” Satan said.

Yeah but…what about the Sixth Amendment?

It clearly states: “In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.”

 Yeah, I’m supposed to get a speedy and fair trial.

“YOU IDIOT. THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION AMENDMENTS DO NOT APPLY HERE. ACCORDING TO THE 203TH SATANIC AMENDMENT, ALL UNITED STATES CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS DO NOT APPLY IN HELL. YOU ARE IN HELL, TONY, IF YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY REALIZED SO.” Satan said.

Can I at least try an exact replica of that parkour I was Indiana Jonesing earlier? Like, can you spawn it for me?

“Yea, sure. Why not? ” Satan said.

*spawns epic insane parkour*

Yeah. This looks hard. But I was literally owning it when I was trying to get away from that knife dude.

*starts parkour*

*trips and falls into lava*