I lost my best friend today.
Actually I lose all my friends,
One after the other,
I would reach out for a helping hand,
Expecting them to pull me up,
But they never did,
And they would leave, find someone new,
And leave me on the cold, hard ground.
Because I never matter enough for them to care.
I never do.
They find other friends that made them laugh harder,
Smile harder, be happier with.
Making it more obvious that I couldn’t do that,
That my best wasn’t good enough,
Because I never matter enough for them to care.
I’m the friend they forget about,
The one that could disappear and have them not notice,
I’m mediocre compared to everyone else.
I’m never chosen first, never wanted first.
My issues always put on a back burner to someone else’s,
Because I never matter enough.
I never do and I’ll never will.
They never give me a chance.
They never look past the walls, the hurt, the sad eyes,
The need for a friend.
So I watch them walk away, leaving me alone,
Again and again
They never see my face as it crumbles,
Tears spilling out of the corners of my eyes,
Silently watching them go,
Again and again
And they never will,
Because they never look back.
Never to look over their shoulder to see the friend that did care,
The friend that was there for them,
The friend that did not walk away.
The friend that tried the hardest,
Knowing their best was not good enough.
I can hope that one day they’ll turn around,
But I know they won’t,
I know they’ll keep waking.
Each time they go away, my walls come up harder,
My heart a little colder,
My head a little smarter,
Until one day, I won’t recognize myself.
I’ll be the shell of a person I once was.
Uncaring, unwilling to let anyone else in.
Not feeling anything to its full potential.
I tried to be the best I could, tried to make them care
But that’s the thing,
You can never force someone to care; never force someone to stay,
I wish I could
I wish I could make them stay,
Make them see me for who I am,
But I know that day will not come,
Because I never matter,
And I never will.