Glass [ENG]

27. The Variant

If I said he hadn't changed a bit, on the surface, I wouldn't be lying. I recognized his favorite shirt in the color of bottle green, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, from under which countless tattoos were exposed. Simple trousers, shiny shoes and black hair perfectly combed back, with a piece of it hanging over one of the thick eyebrows.

However, the glare coming from the dark green eyes, even from a distance of a few meters, seemed to come from a completely different soul. His face was not stone cold, and his eyes did not avoid mine.

Previously pensive he was looking through the high, oblong window of the living room. But in that moment, he was observing things he hadn't seen in me before. He frowned in mild surprise at the color of my hair and I noticed that he did not react like that to the stitches and wounds, certainly much more standing out of all things. He just swallowed, closing his mouth tightly for a moment. Apparently, he already knew.

"I heard what happened," he finally spoke, gently pointing to the wounds and reassuring me in my conviction. "I wanted to see if you were okay."

I couldn't stop the chill of the next few words. It could have been decades, and yet I would have seen all the past events from this place clearly as in the photographs. Kade was in one of those. Faded, with ragged edges, a shadow covering half of his face and a blonde companion wrapped around his waist.

"From Katiya?"

I knew he didn't hear about it from her. But I wanted to see his reaction, to find another answer to another question.

The guy, to my surprise, just sighed. That's all.

"From a friend. He works at the club behind the bar."

And all of a sudden, I lost my patience. Everything around me was changing too fast to just stop and stand still because of one person. The force of inertia at the stop would have pushed me further anyway.

"What are you doing here, Kade? For real."

Grief like a hazy glint of light reflected in his eyes. In the past, like me, he wouldn't have shown anything. Even a few months ago. However, Katiya began a multi-sided avalanche of constant changes, and the further it reached, the stronger its blow was.

Together with Kade we were at the very foot of the mountain.

"Then, at that party, you asked me for one conversation. We've never had it, so I want to make up for it."

I snorted, hiding nothing. Even before I left, I saw his facade crumble and his emotions come out. He felt more and wanted to be better. However, the few months that have passed since then have unexpectedly played a crucial role.

He wasn't the only one who got rid of the stone mask. He wasn't the only one who wanted to throw a billion words out of himself.

And neither of us had a dim idea of the effect that confrontation would have had at this particular moment. When two masks became none. When both personalities have changed. When both minds begged for freedom, stuck in the past.

"And you're coming now?" I asked with resentment, but I felt a strange deafness in my voice.

Kade looked down for the first time, and the expression was familiar.

There was an aching silence.

They were standing there together. Him and her. Two of the most pathetic people in this school. And all my assumptions were confirmed when I saw the triumphant, mean smile on the girl's face and the lack of any reaction from the guy. He knew I was here. He just wouldn't look at me, hugging the girl tightly at the waist.



And when he didn't make any movement, I snorted quietly, closing the trunk and slowly raising my hand to take off one glove. I turned the inside of my hand toward him with hatred and mist in my eyes.

He immediately lowered his gaze, giving me all the proof of what kind of person he was all this time. Or rather, what kind of person he wasn't.

Quiet enough that he could still hear me, I said clearly:

"Enjoy it, Kade. You won."



"It was  h i m  who told her. Not me."


I didn't say anything. I didn't speak up, wanting him to do it this one time.

Even though every voice in my head suddenly took on the form of a painful scream.

"Katiya..." he started to speak without looking up, but a sudden hoarseness of voice forced him to cough and start the sentence anew. "I could have done anything for her. One day, she made me devote to her completely. I decided to change everything in my life. I promised her that I would break off contact with you and become someone better."

I began to regret letting him speak. But I had to know. I had to. But allowing him to continue was harder than I thought. With a persistent ache in my cage, I kept on listening.

"The same day you locked her in the locker. The locker room attendant found her there a few hours after school was supposed to be closed."

I took a deep breath, not looking away. Even when Kade's eyes crossed mine. At the moment, there was an ambiguous pain out on their surface.

"I was so mad at you, soon after I told her about..."

"It was you," I said quietly, without a hint of surprise, interrupting his story. Blackness went down my throat. "I'm surprised Rita didn't lie to my face for once."

What else was the probable suspicion, and what else was the knowledge of the undeniable truth. The pain spread rapidly through my body and I involuntarily tensed my stomach. If not for the mental and physical exhaustion, the tears would have flowed again. But all I could feel was the pinching pain and the acid filling my lungs.

Estera created the memory, Kade told Katiya about it, she created the plan, and Rita helped make it happen.

I had too many thoughts in my head to speak, so Kade took advantage of it.

"When you came to school after the graduation party with your hands covered in bandages, I heard from Chris what happened. I was terrified to think that Katiya might have had anything to do with this. She wouldn't have gone that far, or at least that's what I thought." He closed his eyes for a moment, regaining his composure. Tired eyes fell to the floor. "Before I asked, she came to me and said that Rita was the one who locked you in that pool. I trusted Katiya, and her story made sense. I didn't even think to doubt it."

I frowned, noticing one unsaid element. One loophole in his story. The one I was no longer a part of.

I crossed my arms on my chest, embracing a more confident position. My muscles ached from the constant tension.

"So, what's changed?"

When he heard my question, all of a sudden, a strange, crooked smile crossed his face. He raised his head, and only then did the expression make sense. He was hiding tears in his eyes. It was the first time I saw Kade like this... stripped of boundaries, masks and lies.

He spread his arms, pointing to the space between us. Green eyes were filled with complete acceptance of fate. Whether I wanted to or not, I knew what he was getting at.

And then he said it:

"We did. All of us."

And I couldn't get rid of the weight that had fallen on us. Sudden, forging, and real to the core. I just stood there stuck to the floor. I looked out the window, not breathing.

Dots connected together by thick lines formed a completely different image. No room for theories and suspicions. It was a truth that I could either accept or naively reject, turning reality into a lie. All this time, nameless, has been blinding me, shooting in the eyes, swimming under my skin and clinging to my organs like poison.

Or medicine.

I had a choice. At that point it stopped being an illusion.

I didn't notice when Kade went into the hallway, put on his jacket and opened the front door. The only thing that woke me up was the sound of him twisting the doorknob.

I turned toward the exit, seeing his silhouette completely facing the door. Cold air fell in, though I barely felt it. It only took a second for Kade to say his last words.

They were soft, almost like silence itself.

"I'm sorry. For everything I didn't do."

And they were enough to overwhelm me with both old and brand-new pain.