for you

chapter 5

Alex's pov

If i wasn't high as fuck and thought i could fly to the sky i would be crying like a a baby after eating all that shit i ate with john. I guess i'll cry about it later but for now i am laughing so much that i think i just burned the calories i received. That's good.

"And she was like: you think you have it hard? I have an appointment to the hairdresser and my car is for fixing" he finished the story about some girl he went on a date with.

"Dear john, when are you going to learn?" I asked "girls only care about their make-up, nails,hair and boys if they are important enough" i responded

"So now that we are alone, cut the bullshit how are you?"

"Fine" i said to quickly for his liking, he lifter his eyebrow as if to tell me 'stop lying bitch'

"I am fine john, look i even ate the whole thing we ordered, i swear i am getting better than last time" i lied

"The fact that you ate doesn't mean shit for all i know you will go home and start vomiting you guts out"

"Touché"

"So the truth? What was this guy saying about you jumping off a cliff alex?" The worry was evident in his eyes and he started blinking back tears.

"Look i swear i was just drunk i wouldn't do that" that's half the truth. I would. Just not now.

"Look i know it's a sore subject but have you at least considered going to a therapist?"

Before i could reply my phone started ringing and when i saw the ID my face drained.

It was dad

Dad never calls

Something happened

I was quick to signal him to shut the fuck up with my finger and pick up my phone.

Next thing i know i run out of the a restaurant we were having lunch.

I could hear john shouting my name but i just ignored it.

Having fun in collage while you mum is dead? Such a bad girl. Should i come for a visit?

He was right. I had no right having fun.

If i wasn't empty inside and didn't waste all my tears these past few years i would be sobbing like a baby when you take their lollypop.

I now am in a place i have no idea, near a beach.

That's not good. I didn't see a beach nearby the restaurant. I was running for like 30 minutes.

It should have been me, not you i am sorry.

You were never supposed to die. If it wasn't for me you would be alive.

While i was getting wasted you were giving your last breath.

With those thoughts i went back to campus. No evident of sadness, tears anger or anything. I had a blank face with distant eyes.

I made my way to my room. Thank god my roomate wasn't here. To be honest she is never here, she usually sleeps over to her friends. Not that i mind.

Got to the bathroom stripped my clothes and went to the shower. Water to boiling hot, i could feel the pain but i didn't mind. It felt good. I didn't feel numb.

I was sober ass fuck at this point. From the moment my conversation with john went to the deep stuff i sobered up, and after the phone call i am fully sober and out of my high.

I could feel the bile rising to my throat. I closed the shower, with water dripping from my body i didn't even have the time to wrap a towel before i made my way to the toilet and started vomiting everything i ate.

John was right, i did vomit my guts out.