We've been in a constant state of coming and going from James' apartment, the whole group back together because Ellie and Darren are in town. The only one that's been absent is Laurel, Wes and Laurel still figuring out who claims custody and when.
I catch Savannah watching me more often than not. Not in the way she did when we were in highschool but in a guarded, more calculating way. She's waiting for me to leave, I know that. She's just trying to protect her brother, I know that too, but her constant stare leaves me uneasy and self conscious.
Which is why when Ellie said she wanted to go into town and Darren suggested that Savannah and Ellie pick up Laurel and have a girl's day out I was relieved.
It took about ten minutes, where Darren sat rigid and stiff with Sally in his lap in a chair and James and I sat on the couch, James trying to make small talk before Darren suddenly found words.
"I'm proposing to Ellie." He blurts.
James shoots forward, his voice booming through his apartment. "What?"
"But I need your help. I already have it all planned out." Darren rattles off.
"Of course you do." James chuckles.
Darren looks almost the exact same as he did in highschool. Tall, fit, orange hair, dark eyes and he's still every bit as shy. I wouldn't say that Darren and I became good friends, we became friendly because of James but I'm sure that ended when James and I did. Darren's older brother, Peter, and I have stayed in touch. In fact Peter is probably the only person that knows just how miserable Washington was.
"So what's the plan then?" I ask.
Darren sits forward abruptly, his hands splayed out as he says "stay right there" as if we were suddenly making a move to leave and he darts into James' room. I follow him until I can't, my gaze shifting to James who's grinning ear to ear, on the edge of laughter. Darren is back in seconds, a notebook in his hand and he flicks through the pages with nervous energy.
"Okay. Step one: buy a ring, Step two: Confirm reservations, step three..." he pauses, glancing up at James before back at his notebook. "I forgot a step."
"Well what is it?" James muses, his arm stretched along the back of the couch, were far enough apart that we aren't touching except for James' fingertips as he plays with the fabric of my shirt lightly.
"Peter said before I tell you my plan, I need to ask if it's okay if I steal your birthday thunder." He rattles off.
James laughs, a loud belt that makes him throw his head back. It comes from the depths of him, hearty and full and I smile along with him.
"You can definitely steal the thunder."
Darren nods, pulling at his shirt as he asks "is anyone else sweating?"
"Nah man, that's just you."
It took me a while to realize that Darren wasn't a threat, countless reassurances from James, too many arguments. It took actually seeing them together, hanging out with them, to make me understand.
James handles Darren's peculiarities with ease, never phased by his over sharing of facts or nervousness. And Darren has stayed loyal and unwavering in his friendship back. He's James' Wes.
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"Did you give someone the rose?" Darren asks James, his voice tight with nerves and up an octave than normal.
James smiles as he steps into the small courtyard wedged between two buildings. It has a cute pergola, draped with lights and greenery, picnic tables spread out underneath.
"Of course I did." James says. "I just sent Sawyer the directions. It shouldn't be too much longer."
Darren wipes his hands on his pants, they tremble as he does. "I'm so sweaty."
"You're okay." James tells him. "Maybe undo a button."
He points to the very top button of Darren's shirt with an amused smile.
"He's fine." I interject. He looks like Darren with his shirt buttoned up to the collar and personally I think he should look like himself, especially during this. "You look good."
Darren gives me an unconvincing smile, wiping at his brow as he stares at the opening of the patio. He's told us several times over the course of the night that his nerves are not from uncertainty. He loves Ellie, she's the only woman he will ever love. But sometimes he still can't believe that she's his girlfriend. His love for Ellie is so pure and I know that all of us couldn't be happier.
"Don't forget these." A waiter at the restaurant named Will hands James and I the last two roses, their ends still dripping from water from the cup he offered to keep them in until it was time. He claps his arm around Darren as if we've all been old friends and says "go sweep her off her feet man".
"We should go get into place." I tell James.
The idea of leaving Darren to fend for himself through his nerves is questionable and I see James hesitate slightly. But I'm right, Darren wanted us to give Ellie the last two roses before he got down on a knee. He put thought and time into planning it and if I can help him make it a reality, I'll go stand and hold a rose.
"Don't worry about your man, I got him." Will grins at us, a piercing through his eyebrow catching in the light of the pergola.
James let's put a breath, twisting the rose between his fingertips as his gray eyes meet mine. "Alright, let's go."
I start walking for the entrance of the pergola, past the few patrons that are there. They've been watching us with curiosity, I'm sure they've figured it all out by now as they smile broadly at me as I pass. And I wonder if I'll ever be in this situation. Not as someone helping, but as someone planning it or someone about to be surprised. If it'll be me standing where Darren is, nervous and sweaty as I wait to propose to James. Will I ever get to that point in my life?
I'm lost in thought as we step onto the sidewalk, taking up space on either side of the entrance when James says "I'm happy for them."
"Yeah me too." My voice comes out rough, clouded with longing and desire for something that almost seems intangible, just a dream. But I shake it from my thoughts saying, "I'm just glad he didn't try and do anything weird with the ring, like bake it in a cake or something. Honestly I'm surprised he's making such a grand gesture, I would have thought he would have kept it more low key, knowing him."
James looks over at me, his face illuminated by the lights of the pergola. His features look sharper, more refined with the stark shadows that dance along the edges of light and the way his gray eyes pierce through.
"He loves her." James responds. "Sometimes you do things you aren't comfortable with for the person you love."
He's calling me out. That much is obvious, but I don't get a chance to respond as I hear what could only be Ellie's gasp.
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I was told it's World CP (cerebral palsy) day. Happy CP day to all you CP warriors out there. You're awesome.
