My dark and twisted mind (Natasha Romanoff pov)

¥ Peppers advice ¥

The next morning was smooth. I got up, got dressed in casual clothing, fixed me some coffee, and turned on the news. 

"This is Lindsey Breckingham announcing the breaking news regarding the international hero we all know as 'Black Widow'. As most of us know, she was the top agent at S.H.I.EL.D; however, rumor has it that she's quote " Taking a break from the agency ". Nothing has been heard about her retiring out of the hero businesses as well. Back to you Jerry-"

I turned off the tv with a sigh. Me retiring from S.H.I.E.L.D would be reasonable. Though I'm completely healthy, and still able to fight the same way as I could before.... My mental health was suffering. Killing and spying takes a huge toll on someone. The blood. The screams. The stealing. The lies. The deaths. And it didn't help that I was an assassin in my earlier years too. But... I would miss it. I would miss the feel of victory after killing an enemy. The look of regret and tears in their eyes as their body goes limp...
At that moment, there was a loud knock on my door. I snapped back to reality and opened it. Pepper smiled brightly at me. A sympathetic smile. 

"Hey, Nat. How are you?" She asked, reaching out to put her right hand on my shoulder. I brushed it off with an awkward glance at her ringed finger. A quick flashback of Fury telling me that I should get out of this business and work on family, spun through my head. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was doing too much and needed to retire.

"I'm... Fine. Thanks. Is that all you needed?" I urgently asked, avoiding her gaze. 

"No, actually. Uh, Fury is holding a meeting about Hydra in 35 minutes. But, I really just want to talk between that time. If that's okay with you?" 

I hesitated for a moment, but eventually moved aside so she could come in. Pepper nodded towards me and took a seat on my couch with her legs neatly crossed and her hands folded in her lap. I closed the door and took a seat next to her. 

"So Natasha, I heard about your consideration to retire and become a full-time Avenger. Is that...? Is that true?" She asked, almost sounding upset. I only stared at her in silence. She shifted in her seat a little. " Not to be rude or whatever, it's just... You seemed so happy being an agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. The light in your eyes when Fury called up another mission-"

"As of right now, I'm just taking a break for myself. To see what's best, you know?" I interrupted.

Pepper nodded, a little bit of hair falling in her face as she looked down. I noticed silver strands sprinkled in with the strawberry blond color of her hair, and how her eyes crinkle up at the sides when she smiled at me. She was getting older and seemingly happier as well. Her and Tony didn't argue half as much anymore. They had such a sweet daughter together. They were a family filled with trials, imperfections, and love. That's all I wanted.

"I understand. And what about Black Widow? You still planning on staying in the hero business, hun?"

I smiled a little. "I plan on doing hero work until I drop dead."

Pepper chuckled and patted my back. We sat in silence for a bit. Hero work was the one thing I know I'll always be able to do. Even if it isn't hand to hand combat. Even if I don't stay labeled as an international hero, I'll always be one. 

"Well, listen here," Pepper turned to face me. "Don't trap yourself in your mind, only thinking about what you don't have at the moment. Like, you don't have a lover at the moment." 

'Well, damn. Kick me when I'm down why don't ya?' I thought to myself.

"But that's okay! Sometimes its you that has to take the first step to find them instead of them finding you. You can't wait forever. You can't expect Mr. or Ms. Right to just knock at your door and you two fulfill the needs of each other. This being said, you can't rush into things either. Be patient with people. Especially the person you find interest in. Okay?"

I took a moment to think about her words. Hm, be patient and make the first moves when I find them. That should be easy enough. I nodded. "Thanks Pep!"

She laughed and got up. "No problem, sweetheart. Be careful and really think about your decisions please. Also, the meeting starts in," She glanced at her pure silver watch. "23 minutes!"

With that, Pepper disappeared out of the door.

And that's it for this chapter! Sorry for taking forever but i have a life outside of stories, so forgive me!