My life

9/25/21

I have a new crush and he doesn't like me back, just like the other one. I blocked him first though, I feel like crying. When I go to school on Monday I already know what they're going to ask me about. I should start focusing on myself, but how. I don't love myself...
I feel like dying but I can't do that to my family they love at least that's what I tell myself,
I feel like unblocking him. Why do I feel like this, why do I have to feel this pain, why was I born ugly, why am I cross-eyed why can't my eyes just be normal. Why
can't my dad stay? The other day in the car he told me " One day you're gonna wake up and ask where's my daddy" that hurt. I'm falling math but that's not a surprise, I should stop complaining other people have it way worse. I wish me and my family were closer but we know nothing about each other. Every time I talk people they always think I'm lying well that's kind of my fault I lie so much. Why is my mind so twisted why can I just have a normal life. People always tell me that I'm pretty well my mom but whenever I go to school everyone just laughs at me. This one guy keeps on bullying me for being cross-eyed
like I'm sorry if I could fix it I would. Whenever I go to the doctor again I'm gonna ask for the surgery. I don't wanna look like this anymore I'm only 11 and I already feel like killing myself.
I wish I had some to talk to, about the way that I'm feeling but they'll probably think I'm joking.
I used to love God so much but One day I just stopped because how are you going to watch me be in pain every single day and not do anything, Why me. Update I unblocked him.I told him to forget about me having a crush on him and he said "okk" were good now