The Only Reason.

The look

As always, I stayed in the car for a long time after my mom got out. My mother is as crazy as the mad hatter; we always fight and she always ends up crying and shouting, my dad says I should really move to his house and live with him, I kind of agree with him, but I can't leave my house, not now. I was reading Alice's Adventures In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll when I realized I had stayed in the car way too long, and the stars in the sky shined so bright I could barealy stare at them.

I looked out the car window and watched the little ¨park¨ in front of my building. I felt something weird, so I stared at the playground zone and slowly moving my sight analizing every single detail until there was a piece I couldn't see because of the next building. I got out of the car and thought that to arrive to my house a little bit later wouldn't hurt anyone, so I closed the door carefully and started walking, I looked at how one of the windows of my apartment slowly lighted up and I moved to the next corner of the building, feeling safer. Now I could see the pice I couldn't before. There was a group of shadows moving in the darkness of the night and laughing. I felt something about them, so I started walking forward to them, I wasn't planing to talk to them, I was just planing to casualy ¨pass by¨, and that's exactly what I was doing.

I kept walking until I was exactly in front of them. They were all boys. I didn't stop, I kept walking, but I felt all the cold looks as I kept telling my feet not to stop. My legs started shaking, and the feeling of their cold eyes looking at me made me weak. I stoped just to look back to them. Indeed. They were all looking at me. Just like that. All of a sudden I felt cold, paralyzed, but that feeling went away when I saw one of them with a guitar on his legs. He was different, he wasn't looking at me with a judging look, he was not making me feel scared anymore. The chills went away as I saw his dark hair which was so long that it almost covered his eyes, which I couldn't see because of the night. It was the darkest night I had ever seen since long time ago. The silence seemed to last a whole eternity until I came back to myself and broke it with my next footstep. I walked and walked, I couldn't see anything but shadows in this cold dark night. This time I didn't stop until I got to the back door of my building.

I went up the stairs, and as soon as I entered my house I headed to my room, ignoring the words of nonsense coming from my mother's mouth. I didn't bother to turn the lights on. Probably they saw me get in, and I didn't want them to know where I was. Fortunately, my window is located in a place where I can stare at the park if I want to.

I swiftly walked to the window and slided my figers through the soft fabric of the curtains. I looked through the window to watch their every move, but the only one I cared about was the guitar guy. I could barely see his smile and I still had a feeling of desire for him. They were smoking, talking, and singing songs.

I was looking through the glass and wishing I could be there, laughing with them, I've never had any kind of fun in a long time.

I wasted a lot of time thinking, that I didn't realize that one of the boys, the guitar guy, looked at me.

At first, I wasn't very sure, but as our eyes kept looking at each other's, I realized that, indeed, he was looking at me. His eyes were glued to mine, I got back as fast as I could and I sat on my bed and thought:

¨I'm tired. Maybe I'll go to sleep¨ , wishing to see the guitar guy again, even if it was only in my dreams.