The Only Reason.

Coast Redwood

Later on I get out of my room to go with my lovely mother, apparently it is 3:00 o'clock and we have to eat.

I walk by the hall until I get to the dining room.
"So..." I say looking at my mother.
"So..." She says looking back at me.
"What are we gonna eat mom?" She looks at me and says, "I told you, tuna, actually, pass me the tin can, two tin cans" she says.
I can't believe it. Like, we're eating tuna for real? Okay then.

I grab the tin cans and I head to the kitchen where my mother was eating some chips.
"Here" I say giving her the tuna.
She looks at me and says "Hey! At least it's healthy!"
"You're goddamn right, mother". She smiles at me and pours the tuna in two plates. He passes me one of them. I grab it and head to my room.

I start eating it but I'm not really hungry so I decide to throw it into the garbage can.

I have homework but I don't mind, I head out instead.

I want to see Anthony, I want to see him once again, he has this something that makes me want to paint him in the world's biggest canvas that has ever existed. He is something.

I sit on one of the benches closing my eyes and feeling the cold breeze touching my lips and eyelids slowly as I think about the past. If you think about it, you're referring to the past as something that is not happening right in the moment, like for example, a second ago is already part of the past of the life you're living, because as much as we want it to, time doesn't stop, and it never will, or else it wouldn't really be time. Time passes by, and your life can change in matter of seconds, so you can't really do much about it. Time doesn't have sympathy.

I used to think that I didn't deserve to be happy, that the world didn't want me to. I used to think that the only chance of escaping this madness was to be part of it, I used to be a big cliché. I don't like my past life. I want to change. I want this scars under my sleeve to heal, but never to fade, because scars tell stories, and as much as I want to change, I don't want to forget.

I open my eyes.

Nothing.

It feels like I have been sitting in this bench for like 5 seconds but I look at my watch and it reads 5:28. I have been sitting here for more than an  hour now and I didn't even notice. I stand up and start walking to one of the nearest trees.

There it was. Beauty itself, revealing in front of my eyes as if I had been blessed. A true meaning of art. I walk to the biggest tree in the area, it is the most beautiful tree I have ever seen, it has the greenest leaves and the highest trunk too. I wonder how old it is, it looks pretty old. I wish I could stay here forever instead of going to school or living with my mother. Here, right here and right now feels like nothing is wrong anymore. Could it be? Could I actually feel like suddenly everything is right? I don't know. Most of my life I have lived confused, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to expect from anything or anyone, but this moment is something I wouldn't want to miss, and I'm glad I'm here. Outside, with the smell of fresh air and the sound of the birds singing. Beautiful.

"Hey Vi?" I can hear behind me. Anthony.
I turn around to face him. He's wearing a white t-shirt with paint stains all over it and black jeans. He looks so natural.

"What are you doing here, Vi? It's almost 6:00 o'clock, we usually meet at night, this is unusual." He says.

"I guess I just wanted fresh air" I say, looking at the tree on top of me. He sits under the tree and takes out of his pocket a cassette, it had 'Violet' written on it.

"So... I made you a tape" he says smiling looking at the cassete while he holds it with his right hand and twists it around, then he looks at me with his tired eyes but his smile still on his face. I sit down next to him just staring at him and I sigh, then say: "I hope there's no 'pop crap' in it".

He looks at me with a confused but playful face and says "What kind of person do you think I am?" I smile looking at the ground and I say "I don't know. I don't know you."

Suddenly a leaf falls from the tree and lands on my hand. Anthony looks at it and places his hand on top of it, he touches mine in consequence. I can feel his rough fingers, probably because of the guitar. I look at him, and he looks back at me. "I know. But we could change that" He says handing me the tape with his other hand. I take it and thank him. He still hasn't moved his hand. I can feel the leaf in between our hands, it is soft, unlike Anthony's fingers, but still, I rather be holding his hand without the leaf between ours.

"Why were you staring at this tree when I arrived anyway?" He says giggling.

"Isn't it obvious? It's beautiful. It has the perfect unsymmetrical structure and the greenest leaves I have ever seen" I say to him.

He looks at our hands and he moves his, grabbing the leaf on top of my hand. "Oh, I can see what you mean" he says holding the leaf as close as possible to his face, causing him to squint a little. I let go of  a little soft laugh that makes him look at me confused.

He laughs too and says "What? What's on my face?" I laugh even more and answer "Nothing really, just your face." Which was 100% true.

He smiles at me and shakes his head while looking at the ground. He's still holding the leaf. I look at my whatch and it says '6:04'. I am starting to feel hungry.

Anthony looks back up at me and says "Vi?" I look at him and he says "Remember the night you saw me crying?" I remember. I remember perfectly. I nod. "Well, I didn't want you to see that, now you probably think that I was sad or something" He says. I look at him confused, and I am, people don't just cry at the middle of the night while playing their guitar outside all by themselves unless they're sad.

"Oh no, I didn't asume that" I say instead, although I wonder why he was really crying.

"Well, I guess I just had to let it go" He says, looking at the leaves of the tree on top of us. Let go what? What is he talking about?

"It's fine, I never really saw it as something to worry about, I mean, crying is a natural response, it means that you care. Totally natural" I say to him, not taking my eyes off of his. His look changes completely, he probably feels comfortable with me right now. That's good. I like it.

"So, do you even have a walkman? Cause you don't look like the 'portable music' type" He asks me.

"I have a radio. I'm more of a classic type" I answer.

"Well, I hope you like the tape, then. It has all of my favorite songs in it." He says looking at the ground while he plays with his thumbs.

"I'm sure I will" I say smiling to him. He smiles back.

Another leaf falls down, but this time it gets stuck in Anthony's hair. He hasn't noticed, so I grab it and pull it out of his hair.

He looks at me but doesn't say anything. I do instead. "I'm fifteen now. Today is my birthday". He smiles at me and says "Oh, really? Then what are you doing talking to me? You should be out with your friends, you know?" I shake my head. What friends? I barely have one and I don't even like her.

"Uhm..." I mumble. Anthony stares at me and holds my hand, then stands up, forcing me to do so as well.

"Okay, Vi" He says with a really soft raspy voice, he grabs my waist and pulls me closer to him, hugging me. He removes my hair off my ear and whispers: "Happy Birthday".

It tickles so I start laughing and ruining the moment. He lets go of me and smiles again.

Another leaf falls down, but this time, it falls right between of us. We both look up at the same time, I just can't get enough of this tree, of this moment.

"I wonder how it's called. This type of tree" I whisper to myself. Anthony looks at me, then looks back at the tree.

"Oh, this old crap?" He says laughing and pointing at the tree.

"Beautiful" I say not taking my eyes off of the tree.

He looks back at me and smiles, I know he's staring at me, but I don't want him to know, so I just keep looking at its leaves.

He makes a half smile and looks back at the tree, then he softly says: "It's called Coast Redwood."