Nefarious [h.s]

Chapter 40.

Monday, November 1

****

Every thought in my head suddenly came to a stop. For a second, time froze. 

"What?" I stare back at him in disbelief. 

"After you told me about your dad, I made a phone call. I found his address here in New York." Harry stares down at me. I can tell that he is unsure on if he should be telling me this. I haven't decided how I feel yet.

I run my fingers through my hair, turning around walking back further into my room. Harry following behind me  and shutting the door. 

I don't know what to think. I sit down on the bed, Harry sitting next to me. 

I feel angry at him for leaving me but I also want to know why. But do I really want to know why? Or do I even want to know who he is and the life he has now? Maybe I am better off not knowing. But then I also think, maybe knowing why he left will help. I don't know. 

"He's not too far." Harry says. I look up and lock eyes with him. 

"What do I do?" I whisper. I switch back and forth between his eyes trying to find an answer but I can't find one. 

"What do you want to do?" He asks but I don't have an answer. 

I go quiet. I don't know anything. I feel like I should hear him out but do I want to put myself through that pain. Will it hurt seeing him again or will it be tears of joy? That is something that there is only one way to find out.

"I haven't seen my father in almost 10 years." I suddenly speak. Thoughts begin to roll in along with memories. My childhood.

Harry doesn't say anything, he sits, listening. Which I find strange because listening is something Dylan could never figure out how to do.

"My parents were my best friends. My mom worked a lot and that left my dad and I. And after my dad left  me too, I was all alone. I had my grandma but we never got along." I explain to Harry. 

He scoots further up onto the bed, resting his back against the headboard, I do the same. I bring my knees up and hug them against my chest.

"I told myself when I was 13 that I would never let anyone in, in fear of them leaving me like everyone else." My voice shakes. "I failed doing so. I got close to Jim, Lynn, and Dylan. I try to shut people out but I can't. It's like part of me is scared of being alone but another half of me is saying I need to be alone to avoid getting hurt."

"Can I say something?" Harry softly asks. I look over and see him already looking at me. I nod my head at his question. "You can shut people out, or you can let them in. But life is a mess either way. You will get hurt, that is just life. People will destroy you or inspire you, Ella. Life is pain but each time you've gotten back up. You've got to be really fucking strong to do that."

"I've had people tell me that things happen for a reason, but I wish I knew what the reason was." I shut my eyes and let everything Harry said process in my mind.  

"Then go find out." Harry squeezes my shoulder. 

I nod. "I want to go see my father." 

"We will tomorrow." I look out the window, completely forgetting it's night time.

 I feel the bed shift. Harry pulls open the blanket and takes off his shoes before climbing in. I stare behind me and watch him. He pats the spot next to him. 

I take off my shoes and crawl under the blankets beside Harry. We lie on our sides facing each other. The moon light shining over his face. He's so beautiful.