Journals (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Flatline

When you and Spencer first started dating, you couldn't have been happier if you tried. He was always so attentive and caring and all of your previous relationship trauma and insecurities melted away. He had been rather transparent about the fact that he came with a past of traumatic experiences of his own, but he refused to weigh you down with the details of all that baggage. His friends vaguely explained that he suffered from addiction and lost a past girlfriend at the hands of an unsub. However, you never discussed any of this with Spencer. Regardless, you assured him that you would stand by him no matter what.

Your relationship progressed somewhat quickly, but it was because the feelings you had for each other ran so deep. You didn't get to spend much time with him - you were a medical resident and the nature of Spencer's job significantly limited your time together. You dedicated large chunks of time to your own job, though, so you never complained about how much time he spent with the BAU.

You did begin to complain, however, when he would leave in the middle of the night for 'work,' but then you'd get a call from Penelope or Emily asking you two what you were up to on an evening off. The first time it happened, you assumed that he just needed a break after a long case. But the second, third, and fourth time you became quite insecure. And this night, the fifth time, you felt the anger before anything else.

"Sorry, baby, but I have to head into work. They need me," Spencer had said to you, as he walked into the bathroom to get ready. You were immediately suspicious, so you called Emily to confirm your suspicions.

"Hello? You okay, Y/N?" she said when she answered on the second ring.

"Yes, Em, I'm fine! How are you?"

"I'm okay. I think Morgan, Garcia, and I are gonna go out for some drinks if you and Reid would like to come!"

You felt your eyebrows shoot up, even though you weren't necessarily surprised. "I'll discuss it with him. Thanks for the invite!" and with that, you hung up.

"So Spence, what's the case that has you rushing off at 11pm?"

"Oh, we won't know until we get there," he responded.

"That's so unfair that they're making you work, especially when half the team is out clubbing," you spat, daring him to deny the truth that you already knew.

When he said nothing, you inquired, "This isn't the first time that you have said you had to go work when you didn't. So what is going on? Did you fall off the wagon? Is there another woman? Did you lose the feelings you had for me?"

"No, Y/N, God -- how can you think that I've been doing drugs?"

"That wasn't the only thing that I asked you, Spence."

"I have been going into the office to help JJ with the backlog of paperwork that she has to deal with. I also go there just to clear my head. I don't want to just sit around here with you when I can't focus on you. I don't want to bring my work or other problems home with me -- I want to keep this apartment a happy place."

"Oh Spence, it's our apartment. Of course it's a happy place. I don't want you to feel like you have to face your demons alone. If there is anything you want to talk about, I am here for you. I love you, babe, and your problems are my problems," you assured, as your rubbed soothing circles onto his back.

He hugged you back, and a few moments passed before he spoke again. "I don't want my problems to end up being your problems, Y/N. You are so incredible, and-and I'm sorry, don't take this the wrong way, but I just need some space."

Your mouth was wide with shock. Space? How could you take that in the 'right' way? How could he ask you for space when you only spent a few short hours with him in the span of a week? Your residency takes up between 40-80 of those hours, and his job usually takes up more than that. You also make a conscious effort to spend time with his friends and your friends, as well as designate time for yourselves. You practice self-care or go to the gym, while he sits at his desk and reads, or writes letters to his mother. When you do spend time together, you rarely argue. You snuggle as he reads to you, or talks about his cases (and you talk about your day at the hospital), you watch your favorite television shows, or you're asleep. You thought that you had the perfect relationship. But apparently Spencer didn't agree.