Breathe | Jensoo

Ch18

Maybe it's the proximity, maybe it's timing, maybe it's even insanity, but what Jisoo knew was that what she felt for Jennie in that moment was too intense, too charged, and too uncontrollable such that she just had to kiss her. It wasn't like anything she had experienced before with anyone else, not even Soojoo.

She felt Jennie freeze before kissing back softly, tentatively. So she ventured a step closer, pressing their bodies against the wall, and held Jennie's waist. Then Jennie's arms came up to rest on her shoulders, reciprocating the touch.

They were breathless when they finally parted for air.

"Was that the fourth action?" Jennie's puffs of air caressed Jisoo's lips in unintentional ways, and Jisoo had to reign her hormones in so as not to kiss her again.

"No, that's not a part of the experiment," Jisoo said. "It's the result."

She reached blindly for Jennie's hand. It was quiet and awkward as she led them out of the dark hall and into fresh air under the night sky. Now that their vision was fully restored, a mix of self-consciousness and alarm surged in Jisoo and she let go of Jennie's hand. Along the way to the school gates where her bike was parked, they bade goodbye to the unsuspecting Soojoo and then silence engulfed the two of them once more.

For some reason, Jisoo's heart was pounding and she felt like a child who had been up to mischief and would be berated anytime now. She wouldn't know what to say if Jennie was to ask her what she meant back inside the hall. She couldn't bring herself to look Jennie in the eyes now, but when Jennie's palm landed on her arm reaching for the spare helmet, she had to.

"I could use a walk. You?" Jennie invited, smiling, and Jisoo felt the furthest from berated.

Jisoo broke a small grin. "Me too."

The air was crisp and cool and the night tranquil, as their footsteps fell into a natural, relaxed tandem. Neither spoke for a couple of minutes, but when they did, it was simultaneous.

"So, um-"

"About just n-"

They peeked at each other and then laughed abashedly. Jisoo rubbed her nape and gestured for Jennie to go first. But Jennie merely shook her head, "After you."

"Okay." Jisoo chuckled and exhaled, stuffing her hands into her pants pockets. "I, um, wanted to apologize for just now. For what I did."

Jennie hummed, pensive for a while. "Why? Do you regret it?"

Jisoo could feel Jennie's eyes on her side profile, which made her blush and clear her throat. "No it's - I mean - no, I don't." The tips of her ears burnt. "It's just, I'm sorry for being... touchy. I'm not usually like that." She screwed her eyes shut and shook her head. "Right, of course you know that, you're my psychiatrist."

"Seems like alcohol may be the cure to your intimacy issues." There was a teasing lilt to Jennie's tone.

Jisoo snorted. "Then I'll be saddled with a new issue: alcoholism."

The laugh that Jennie returned made Jisoo smile.

After a while, Jennie continued the conversation, "You didn't have to apologize, you know that right?" She was staring ahead now, at the expanse of tarmac with no end in sight. "Because then I would have to apologize too, wouldn't I? Since I... reciprocated."

Jisoo hesitated. "Do you regret it?"

When Jennie's answer came in the form of a small shake of her head, Jisoo felt her heart soar but also tremble.

Her first instinct when it came to possible feelings was to reject, close off, not get involved. Because ever since she was a kid, she had never known love to succeed, never had it stay by her side. They all died, tragically in fact; and in the darkest of times, she wondered if perhaps the root cause was her.