Trigger warning: self-harm, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, physical abuse, depression, hallucinations, schizophrenia.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual person, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
This story is unedited and may contain typographical and grammatical errors. ( 'nanaman', 'sa'yo', 'sa'kin', 'din', 'daw', 'sa'min' ).
This is the First story under AGONY TRILOGY.
All right reserve 2023
***
Hope, pain, blamed.
Three words. I have been living with that three words ever since my father died. Hope, because I was hoping that maybe someday they'll find a reason to forgive me. That someday she'll realize that I lost my father too. I am still hoping that someday she'll see me as her daughter. I'm still hoping that someday I will feel what its like to have a mother. Hoping that someday she'll be proud of me and my achievements.
Pain never left my heart ever since he died. Kakambal ko na nga yata 'yang sakit eh. Ayaw akong layuan. It's a pain of being unwanted. I have been carrying pain my whole life without them knowing. I wanted to scold myself for being so fragile; for breaking so easily. I wanted pain to leave me alone but it won't. That pain is slowly eating every bit of me and I don't know how long would I last.
Blamed, I was so tired of being blamed about everything. My own mother despise me and blamed me for being responsible for my father's death. I was so tired taking all the blame and being punish for something I didn't do.
All I want is to be happy. Is it too much to ask?
"Dadyy." I whispered. He hummed as an answer.
"Can you buy me ice cream? Mommy bought something for ate but she forgot me." I whispered again. Afraid that Mom would hear me. Dad nodded and we both giggled.
"Hoy! Heto na 'yung rrl ko, kako. Putangina neto nakatulala pa. Stress ba maging leader?" Java said and showed me his rrl. I just nodded and closed my loptop. Tumayo na ako para magpaalam sa kanila. "Dissmis na tayo. Magpahinga na muna kayo tapos kapag tapos niyo na 'yung mga rrl niyo i-send niyo nalang saakin. Masakit na kase 'yung ulo ko eh." I said before leaving.
Totoo, masakit na 'yung ulo ko. The doctor said if something like that pops in my head again, something triggered my brain kaya kailangan kong uminom ng gamot at magpahinga so that's what I did.
Zairo approached me with some kwek-kwek in his hands. "Oh." Aniya at ini-abot ang isang baso saakin. Agad ko naman iyong kinuha ng may ngiti sa mga labi.
"Thank you, Destiny!!! You know me talaga." I joked.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Mukhang gutom eh." Pang-aasar niya kaya agad ko naman siyang hinampas.
"Aba't mukha ba akong patay gutom sa paningin mo? You're so ouchie. You're hurtinings me, ha!" Reklamo ko and pretended to sulk but he just laughed at me.
"Anak, what do you want?" Daddy came to my bedroom when he found out I was sulking. It's my seventh birthday today but they forgot it.
"Where's Mom and Ate, Dad?" I pouted.
Dad sighed and looked at the door. That's when I notice Mom and Ate, they were hiding behind that door and Mom is holding a cake while Ate is holding the balloons. My face immediately lit up when I saw them. Ate Clais and I giggled as I blow the candle.
I wish nothing would change.
Kalokohan.
Everything changed.
Dad, you changed us. You changed them.
"Honey, kapit pa." Mom's broken voice welcomed me when I was about to enter Daddy's room.
"Reizy! Tara, let's play with your friends down the stairs. Limeah and Beat are waiting for you na." Masayang sabi saakin ni Ate at mahina akong hinihila pababa.
"Bullshit, Reven! We are all staying in this family!" Mom shouted. I didn't understand what she mean so I tried to go to them but Ate put a headphones on me with a beautiful music bago ako hinila pababa. Nakita ko naman sina Lime at Beat na parehong may hawak na doll that's why I joined and played with them na.
"Ate, why are you crying?" I said when I noticed my sister is crying.
"Hmm? I'm not, sissy. Anyways let me get my other dolls pa so that we can play." She wiped her not-so-tears and walked away.
I was stupid not to notice that my family is tearing apart. I was stupid not to notice how my sister broke down alone because she already know what's happening. I was stupid.
I was so stupid and stubborn to ask him that. Dapat lang talaga na ako ang nasisisi sa lahat. It was all my fault after all.
***
Author's Note:
I am no expert in writing. This is my first story and I wrote this at the age of 15 and I am trying not to make this book cliche as much as possible but I hope you'll like it.
This story is kind of a non-fiction but more like a fiction. Some scenarios are adopted in real life but most of the scenarios are author's imagination only.
Read at your own risk.
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