life is death we're lengthy at

(A/N: I own nothing from this franchise except this fic of mine. A guest reader of mine from one of my fics asked me if I write for heterosexual pairings like for Senju x Takemichi. And my answer is yes and this request is dedicated to you my guest reader of mine. I write fics regardless if they're heterosexual or not. I always consider if a certain pairing has the chemistry and potential to be great or not. And I already wrote Sentake one-shots in the past. But this time it will be in-depth with Senju as a woman as a canon reveals in the manga and Takemichi as a man. Also, apologies if I wasn't able to write it as a fluffy and light one with just them hanging out as requested and it ended up total angst. Writing pure fluff is a challenging concept especially in TR verse. But I'm still hoping that you enjoyed this and maybe in the future I will be able to write a pure lighthearted story for these lovely characters.)

life is death we're lengthy at

- Emily Dickinson

"Hanagaki..." Senju watched Takemichi's face who was blank yet his eyes were wrought with undeniable shock and misery upon learning Draken's untimely death. She was unsure of how to approach him in his current state but seeing him like this made something inside of her break.

Takemichi wasn't crying this time.

But Senju knew that it was much worse.

From the first few interactions that she had with the blond, she knew that Takemichi was always an emotional person who wore his heart on his sleeve. His emotions were always reflected in his expressive blue eyes that reminded her of the depths of the ocean. She didn't witness directly on his notoriety of crying at the things that would trigger his active tear ducts and would be dubbed as the crybaby hero by the people who knew him better. But somehow, she preferred seeing his genuine tears rather than this. How his face was devoid of anything and his mind was too far, far away as if his soul had already slipped away from his body.

Somehow Takemichi's lack of response right now was much more terrible. His silence alone was suffocating.

Senju wanted to reach out to him and enveloped him into her arms just like he did earlier when he saved her from the gunshots that were meant for her.

But she couldn't. Her body froze and all she could do now was to watch his silent wretchedness in quiet misery. She clenched her fists inside her oversized jacket, blinking back the fresh tears that threatened to fall out of her eyes.

No. She couldn't lose her remaining cool and grace in front of Takemichi. She needed to have a presence of mind. What Takemichi needed right now was a break and an anchor to lean on in this miserable situation that they're in.

"Hanagaki!" She called out to him as she finally approached him. "What'll we do now?"

That seemed to erase out the daze from his eyes and brought him back to his senses and he looked at her with a trembling yet apologetic smile on his face. "Ah, I'm sorry about that Senju. I didn't catch what you're saying. Can you repeat that back to me...?" His voice was like a dying candle, growing fainter in each syllable that passed from his lips.

"Hanagaki..." Her eyes grew serenely downcast as she watched him struggled to get his bearings back together in vain yet she knew that with just one mighty push he would probably crumble down to the ground and break down crying.

It made something snapped inside of her and her feet automatically walked towards him and closed down the remaining distance between the two of them. Her arms encasing him in a light yet fragile embrace, fearing that he would shatter like glass if she didn't handle him properly.

"Hanagaki it's alright if you feel like crying... You don't have to try so hard to stop those tears and you can let everything go..." She whispered in a hushed voice.

She felt him froze in her arms for a few seconds.

Senju tried to steady her breath and calm down her stuttering heart inside her chest. Takemichi was the one who was suffering right now but why does it feel like she's the one who needed to be cradled right now and calms down her thundering heart inside her chest?

Every second that passed them by seemed like a lifetime. It's as if they're both in a space of vacuum where everything seemed to melt into nothingness and all they could feel and hear was the beating of their hearts that grew louder as each moment slipped them by.

That was until Senju felt that Takemichi shook slightly within her arms, his shoulders were quivering beside her. He wasn't whimpering or anything but she could sense that he was slowly crashing down from the abyss of misery and the remaining control that he had was finally slipping away.

"I don't understand anything Senju... Why is everything turning out like this...? Draken... He..." Takemichi's breath hitched as his voice cracked.

"He died in front of me... And I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it... Are we not allowed to be happy? Can't we have a moment of victory without the asking price of taking someone's life?" He added brokenly as his body quaked helplessly against hers.

Each word felt like a punch to the gut and Senju tried to have a tight grip on her emotions, refusing to cry in front of him. No. Takemichi does not need for her to lose control right now. What he needed right now was someone to lean on in his most vulnerable state. But hearing how defeated and tired he sounded didn't seem to make it better.

"Hana-." She paused before she continued speaking again and finally used his first name.

"Takemichi it's fine if you feel tired... You can take a rest but I want you to know that you're not alone in this fight. Draken is dead but I'm certain that he's not blaming you for all of this and he still trusted you with his life until the very end." She murmured as her hand had slowly moved in its own accord and rubbed on his back soothingly.

Takemichi's breath caught in his own throat as he felt her soft hands on his back and his body went slack and pliant in her arms. The tight cord of tension in his body caused by his overwrought emotions was slowly replaced by a feeling of something peaceful and tranquil but the numbness was still there.

The gaping hole of wretchedness festered inside his heart.

Takemichi was only a breadth away from her. The opportunity was there to claim his lips in a gentle kiss to make him feel human again. To soothe his broken soul and troubled mind in the tranquility of her arms. And to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart from the onslaught of grief and anvil of burdens on his shoulders.

But was it the right thing to do?

In the end, Senju couldn't do it.

Senju couldn't take advantage of his defenseless state. She can serve as his steady rock in the storm of obstacles and his torment but she knew her place.

And it wasn't inside his heart.

But for as long Takemichi needed her strength she will be there not because she owed him her life but because she wanted to.

That's what her heart wished her to do.

'As long as I'm breathing Takemichi you will never carry your burdens alone because I care about you too much.' She thought with a wry smile on her face.

(A/N: This was inspired by the recent chapter of the manga. Wakui did really go there. At this point of the arc it was having a competition on who to traumatize more: Mikey or Takemichi. Reviews are fascinating. So, let me hear them from you.)