What am I? Do I really have a purpose? How many love do I need to make me feel like I'm worth taking for, that I'm worth fighting for. "LOVE" I dont know anything about love . I just know that love can destroy you. Love can hurt you. Love can make you feel worthless. That's the side of love that I know. But the love that makes people bright. I don't think so.
I don't know my purpose. I don't know anything about myself. I don't know what I like or I dislike. I feel empty. I feel nothing. Why am I like this? Why does it feels like I don't deserve anything.
Someone told me that I don't know anything. About love, life and everything. So I questioned myself what do I know? Is it true that I don't know anything? How can you say that I don't know anything? How can you define that you know something?
Explaining myself to others is such a waste of time. Why? Because they don't even listen and they don't even understand so why do I? Why do I care explaining myself to them. So I kept my mouth shut. I began to love the darkness, the quietness, and the peacefulness.
I was alone and lonely. Why am I alone? Why am I lonely? Why does nobody wants me? Why does nobody wants me? I repeated it to myself. Why? I questioned myself again and again. I was like a blank paper, a paper without someone in it just blank and empty. A paper who's fragile, easy to tear, easy to crumple, easy to throw away.
Sometimes I have this though that I want myself back. I want to believe in love but love makes me not to trust itself. I want my home back. I want my love back. I also wanted to be loved but again I can't. Why because love hurt me so many times in my life. Love is the reason why am I in sorrow. Love is the reason for all the bad things that happened in my life. Everyone already hurt me because they say they loved me but they didn't really mean it.
That's why sometimes being quiet is perfect. Being in the darkness is sometimes a good choice. Than being in the spotlight where there's so many fake people around you and judging you. I found my own perspective of love in the dark. That soothing feeling that nobody can make you feel that way. No words can explain how darkness helped me to realized my purpose. How darkness showed me that loving my self is enough. That putting my self in my priority is a must. Now I know my purpose. My purpose of being just myself.
And me, myself and I is already enough.
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