I always find it funny.
No matter how much someone might seem to love me.
They always love me spite my "too muchness"
It's never a "I love you for you"
It's a "I love you even though..."
Why can't someone just love me?
Why can't someone see that my loudness, my constant need to talk, my many fixations, is all just who I am.
It's a part of me.
It's not something I can't just get rid of.
But I feel as though, the second I let go, I stop holding back, they will just get rid of me.
Recently I've been trying to be quieter. I haven't talked as much.
Hell, it's not as if I get the chance any way.
Anytime I was to talk about something I can't seem to get away from.
They just stop listening.
Either short, dry answers.
Or changing the.subject!
Just let me speak!
Let me rant!
Please be someone I can talk to!
Be someone who will listen!
No one listens.
Not really.
As soon as I get annoying they just stop.
I feel like I'm drowning.
Drowning in a sea of my own words.
Anytime I want to speak, I swallow the words down, pushing me deeper.
Get me out!
Just get me out of this constant feeling of worthlessness.
This constant reminder of how goddamn annoying i am!
