I've Moved Further Than I Thought I Could || Bajifuyu

~

All it took for Chifuyu to break down was hearing the laughter he hasn't heard in months. The laughter that used to brighten his world. From the person who meant everything to Chifuyu. The laughter from the computer screen triggered something in his mind.

Chifuyu threw the laptop on to the couch cushion next to him. He needed to get out the room. It was closing him in. In on the feeling he had been trying to repress for so long. To not let them get the best of him, he wanted to stay strong for Baji. Baji wanted him to not be devastated over him.

That was hard for Chifuyu lately.

Chifuyu could usually hold his feelings quite well. Always trying to find the humor or beauty in anything. But the reality of the situation was, there was no beauty to be seen. There was no humor or witty saying he could think of to dwell the pain he felt in his heart. The loneliness he felt without his best friend—his soulmate, next to him.

Tears began welling in his eyes, threatening to fall out.

Chifuyu tried his hardest to not let them fall, because fuck, he's supposed to be strong. Not let things get to him.

But he's alone now.

Chifuyu goes towards Baji's room and slams the door. He hasn't been in here in ages. His bed was still unmade. His animals figures were still on his shelf, one side of his window was still open and his old Toman jacket was still on his chair. Everything was exactly the same, and Chifuyu hated it.

The way it was a constant reminder of that god damn day. He wanted to forget so badly.

Chifuyu finally let his emotions overtake him. He leaned back into the door, knees giving in. Chifuyu sunk down to the floor and took in a deep breath. Tears finally falling down from his cheeks. Gasping breaths as he lets everything out. The bottle up grieving, the repressed tears, all of the hurt he feels.

Hyperventilating, trying to get a hold of himself. His hand covering his mouth, desperately trying to get the sobbing to quiet down. He doesn't really want anyone to hear him. But he knows they feel pity for him. He sees the sympathetic they throw at him.

Chifuyu's starting to get light-headed. Knowing with him breathing too fast and too hard, he needs to calm down. But he just can't find it in himself to actual try to start to calm down. Everything he's repressed is demanding to be let out, to be felt.

To give Chifuyu some kind of relief. One night to where everything isn't so built up inside.

God, Chifuyu would do anything to have Baji back. To have him back would mean the world to him, to have every feeling of guilt, grief, and loneliness go away and hold on to Baji.

Chifuyu eventually gets to a point where he can breathe normally. Sobbing gone down to a few sniffles and tears falling, but drying on his cheeks. He doesn't get up, not yet. He's not ready. Being in Baji's room is a comfort. The way it still smells like him. His room just a reflection on everything Baji stood for. It calmed Chifuyu down.

He still misses Baji, he misses him so badly.

But Chifuyu know he'll be okay eventually. And Baji will be waiting for him, with his big smile.

Waiting to greet Chifuyu, after all this time.

Chifuyu will be okay.