you and me, alright [roschel]

twist.

Ross is completely tuned out. This afternoon's topic is Compassion vs Competition and Dr. Phalange has been lecturing for a good five minutes about seeking each other's positive energy but Ross can't find any type of energy in him at all - at least it's Friday. It's been one of those weeks where one day piles on top of the other. Half of it has been a juggling act of covering colleagues' classes aside from his own, studying tenses in French, Emma getting sniffles, and the other half of it, whatever buttons him and Rachel are continuing to push testing his resolve harder than a dissertation.

After last week's session, he'd hoped that the light at the end of the tunnel is within reach. Come Away With Me had to mean something, right? But between their busy schedules, progress's been all away and nothing is coming. (Well, except for them, at night, falling seamlessly back into the old pattern of being all over each other as soon as they're home, lingering looks and squeezing hands and, yeah, his breath on her skin until his name leaves her lips.)

But apart from that, nothing. No acknowledgment of even the songs, no further discussion about any and all revelations that session had dug up. 

He'd had no idea that what she was ready for more back then. Because he'd wanted more, that much is a given. If he had known...his life would be so different now. He isn't even sure if they'd be in Paris still, but is one hundred percent sure he would've had less divorces. And now...

When he imagines his life would be like if they'd had that conversation back then, it's a whole world of difference. The conversation would have gone: "Oh, by the way honey, I know I've been busy but I really like this job and I feel we can move into the next step of our relationship" and then him replying: "What a coincidence sweetie, this velvet box has been burning my pocket for several weeks now." If that happened, he doesn't know if they would even be in this therapist's office. All he knows is, had it happened, Scarsdale would've too, and they wouldn't flinch at the name Emily. But he loves the world they're in now far too much to ask for anything else.

Therefore, the next obvious logical thought in his head, taking in that whole session, had been: It didn't happen then because I believed when you said you weren't ready and you didn't care to tell me that you already were but now we've listened to those songs and mine says 'Home is where I wanna be but I guess I'm already here' and yours says 'All I ask is for you to come away with me' then what do you want me to do Rach?

But she said nothing, so he did nothing - at least not yet. It had taken her the exact time getting to the creche to pick Emma up to seemingly forget about what happened in the hour before. He knew she's kept it in the back of her head, and he wishes he wasn't made aware of their scientific brain connection. Because no matter how gutsy he would've felt maybe approaching the topic himself, his confidence had taken a backseat to give her space to percolate, clearly a lesson learned from dredging up that night. He'd just waited the following seven days for her to maybe throw him a bone but he should've known better as that was like waiting for her to get dressed for a night out.

"So we've established that you've treated your post-break up as a competition and how that shouldn't have been the case," Dr. Phalange remarks from the other side of the room and Ross then realizes that he has not heard a single world that's been said in the last few minutes. "Do you feel like there are still areas in your relationship where that rears its head?"

"I think so," Ross blurts out, still thinking about their now month-long game of intimacy yoyo, and Rachel must know what he's referring to from the sharp breath that seeps through her pouted lips, as if she hasn't been the one egging him to rip off her La Perlas with his teeth. Not that he's complaining.