Lies Like Love

AUDREY

Mum walked fast through the corridors, all busy and businesslike in her work uniform, and I slipped back into the crowds of kids so I could pretend I didn't know her. Monday meant starting school and I'd told her not to come, but she'd said that would give the wrong impression. People might think she didn't care. And didn't I need her? She didn't see me shaking my head, just marched up the drive anyway. Some of the other kids were staring at her, but she had her lipstick on and her smile and didn't care.

'Audrey.' She stopped, turning back to hunt for me, shouting my name again, actually bellowing it. 'Come on, love - get a move on.' I saw the girls I'd been following gawp, then giggle, looking at me, putting two and two together, and my plan to pretend I wasn't different was over before it had even begun. She shunted me into the form room and the group of kids clustered round the tables in the far corner turned and stared.

'Mum. Just go. I'm fine.' I sounded like I'd been sucking helium.

'No. I'll wait until your form tutor gets here. Make sure everything's OK.' She put out her hand, smoothed my hair, fussed with my jacket. The uniform she'd picked up looked bad; it hung off me as if I were made of sticks or straw. As if you might blow me down or set me alight with a match.

'It will be, I promise. Just go,' I hissed back, staring at the floor.

'Audrey -' she looked hurt and I hated that - 'don't you want me here?'

'No.' I shut my eyes tight, then opened them and looked at her hard. 'Please, Mum, just go. You're making me look like a total dick.'

'Aud,' she warned, frowning, looking round to check no one had heard.

'Mum. Please.'

The bell rang and the room filled with girls who looked like bunches of flowers. Bright and glossy, newly picked, still wearing their arrogant bloom. As if they were untouchable, as if they never even thought about what time, what the future, what words like that really meant, and believed that it was all going to last. That no one would or even could take their sunshine away.

Mum marched up to the form tutor, stuck out her hand, not bothered that the teacher's arms were full of books and papers.

'I'm Audrey Morgan's mother. She's new?'

'Oh, yes, it's nice to meet you. And Audrey, of course.' She looked over at me and I smiled back, shifted my bag, then looked out of the window.

'Well, here she is. I'm going to be late for work if I don't get a move on, but I thought I'd better come and say hello.'

The teacher kept smiling and staring like she had no idea what to say and was just pretending this was normal. I cringed again.

Mum cleared her throat. 'I'd appreciate it if you'd update me at the end of the day. I need to know how things go for her and I won't get a word out of her at home.'

'Of course. I'll call you, I expect we have your number on file.'

'Yes. If I don't hear from you, then I'll telephone in. Audrey's been a very poorly girl for a long time, Miss -'

'Miss Jones.'

'Right, that's it, Miss Jones. She's missed a lot of work. Of course she'll do her best to catch up, but she's not the brightest button - no offence, love.' She looked at me quickly and reached out, wiping some imaginary stain from my chin. I tossed my head, trying to get her off me. The room was watching, agog, and I knew I was the colour of ketchup. 'It runs in the family - I was useless at school myself. Came into my own later. So, we'd both appreciate it if you'd take that into account. And I hope that the moment she's not feeling well, you'll let her go to the nurses, or call me.'