Something Inside (Published)

Chapter 24...

Picture on side of Alex Ryder. I wanted a full one of him in the suit but wattpad wouldn't let me. Still the picture is still HOT! :)

**IMPORTANT!! I know everyone is getting mad about every character going to NYU and saying there are other colleges there; YES I KNOW! I know there are other colleges beside NYU but I wanted all the characters to have some relation or something that tied them all in together. You will understand more next chapter.

Dedicated to KashafAli for her funny comments and for giving me a shout out! <3

There is a quote that I have always been fascinated and stumped with; "Sometimes when finding the light you have to pass through the deepest darkness." You have to suffer before you can see the rainbow. I have always taken that quote to mean your heart. You have to suffer heartbreaks before it can fully heal and be fully loved. I've always wondered why people choose to do this to themselves. Why put your heart out there if it's just going to break? Why do us humans purposely do this to ourselves? Do we like the pain? Do we actually think that after suffering a rainbow will appear?

When you think about it though the analogy is fitting. After a terrible storm where the winds have knocked down branches, rain coming down in sheets that the roads flood, and thunder booms so loudly the windows rattle. After all that is over if you look to the sky you see a rainbow in the aftermath of the storm. Rain softly falls and the clouds part showing a full rainbow to anyone who dares to go outside. In those moments after a storm there is nothing but silence. No birds chirping, no loud booms of thunder, no brutal wind; just utter silence.

If you dare to go outside after the storm you can almost see the beauty in it. The roads glistening, the sky turning the perfect shade of blue, the dead silence with no wind whipping in your face. In those moments you forget that just minutes ago a storm was whipping its way through town and destroying almost everything in its path. How can something so beautiful come out of so much destruction? Is that how a heart looks after a heartbreak?

But like every storm there is the aftermath; the clean-up. When something gets broken or destroyed it needs to be fixed. Does it get fixed perfectly? No. Does it change the shape or reconfiguring? Yes. When something gets broken it's not expected to turn out perfect again or even close to what it use to be. Whether it can be fixed to be even stronger than before or to crumble easier is the question. The difference between a storm and a broken heart is you get to decide whether your heart will be stronger than it was or to be weaker.

In college I took a psychology class and I've never been so interested in a class before. The professor once said that there are two types of people when dealing with heartache or lost. One will act out and walks around with a visible shield around themselves. The other one becomes secluded and walks around with their heart showing. One heart has been healed crooked and becomes weaker so a shield needs to be put in place; they don't see the rainbow at the end. The other has been healed slowly but carefully; it's stronger than it once was and doesn't need a shield; they see the rainbow at the end of the tunnel.

Which one is better? The one with the shield for that person knows to never go through it again? Or the one that is out in the open and knows it will receive a few blows but can handle it? Which one is stronger? Now that is the trickiest question of all. Do you shield yourself away from all heartbreak? Or do you let it out knowing there's a chance for it to be happy?

The way I was raised I never believed in love. My parents didn't love me and always told me so. How can one love when they aren't shown it? The only thing that helped not destroy everything I knew about love was books. In romance novels the girl gets her heartbroken but in the end she ends up with the right guy who treats her like she is the queen. During my teenage years I always wondered if those kinds of stories were true. Did the princess end up with the prince? The older I got I realized that love was just a made up thing. I never experienced it so how can it be true?