Will you?

I lied

When you want to say something your silence is a lie.

***
They are both clueless where they went wrong and how they are now drove to this madness. All the things they built together is now falling apart right in front of them.

Is it about those times that they have hurt each other for so many times and all those sorries became useless to ease the disappointment and pain?

or Is it about those times that it is not processing anymore? It is blurry and the situation is just numbing?

How their nights were spent by not hugging and basking in each other's warmth but being apart and cold at night with their backs facing each other. With their hearts guarded and with their soul lost in abyss.

It is just too much. Too much but seems to never enough.

***

Lisa is staring at Mina unable to process how to tale her story because even she, herself don't get it.

“I used to love how she will place her hand in the middle of my chest in any occasion. I used to love how she will wrapped her arms in my neck just to hug me occasionally whenever I came home from work. But now I seem to hate them because it feels like she is being needy even I am giving her enough already.” And she was greeted by silence. Mina is looking at her square straight to eye with no judgements but empathy.

Roseanne is silent not giving any violent reaction.

It hurts.

So much.

When you are watching the intertwined stars dim before your eyes.

It is a lot like how devoted eyes watched one other with so much love and it sometimes combust.

It feels like spilled bottle of champagne that rhymes with pain.

How those sweet whispers, raspy promises and silent agreement and warmth turn into opposite.

***
Lisa never noticed her eyes. Those hazel eyes.

Those same eyes that looked at her as if she is one of the most beautiful creature in the universe.

Those eyes that looked at her with so much love.

Those same eyes that is fading.

Painted and flickering the betrayal and pain.

How those brown eyes turn into dark shade, losing it glow.

Losing its life.

Those eyes that held those spoken words that was expressed in silence. In the empty surrounding painted with her sadness, agony, and disappointments.

“Is that all?” Mina carefully asked.

“I used to love how she would narrate how her day went as if she is sharing everything with me. But now it feels like she is ranting and making me feel that she is more tired of our situation.” Lisa continued. Saying a lot of things she used to love about her wife. Like how her wife will tell her randomly how much she love her.

Roseanne never said a word but her silence speaks enough for her.

How her doe hazel eyes painted the best expression of disappointment, betrayal, and agony.

It speaks, damn good.

***

They finished the session and climbed in the car wordlessly.

They never speak a word with each other.

The tension is filling the car.

The silence is roaring.

The fury is brawling.

While Roseanne's soul is crumbling so her heart. It is collapsing in fast paced.

Pain should never equate in love.

For Love does not hurt but if it does it is not love.

Was it still love?

Or was it staying just for the history and memories?

Or because it is responsibility to be the and stay even it is not worth it.

It is like running circles in the back of their mind.

“What happened to us, Lisa?” Roseanne asked. Her tone was not accusing or anything.

It was low and devastated.

Hopeless even.

And it hits Lisa hard.

Straight to her soul.

Yes, what happened to them and they became the people that they never wanted to be or even desired to be.

“Maybe, you are right, Lisa. I am being too much for you to handle. Too much for you to love. Too much and you have to blame for your own fault for not being enough. For not being there when I needed you the most. For not being capable enough to be accountable for those times when I think I am losing my mind and you are not there to catch me. But always remember that I never get angry for those times. But I feel the hatred growing on me not for you but for myself because the biggest betrayal that I received is not from you but from myself, Lisa. I kept choosing you even at times you never did that for me. You never chose me the same way I did for you. God, I was such an idiot. Maybe it is time for me to release you from this misery. I am letting you go. You can finally file the divorce paper and I will sign them without putting much more fight because believe me, I fought too much more than I can count in this lifetime for you that I never and would never try to do to someone else. Don't worry I will give an equal rights to Reign. You know how much she adores you even she looked really like me but she is obviously a mini you. Someone who is stubborn and passionate. I am thankful for having you and I will never deny or regret the fact that even for  sometime you become everything I needed for once. Thank you, Lisa for trying for at least trying. For being there. For all those years we shared together, those promises that we shared that we will failed to keep. Just thank you so so much. Always remember that I have loved you enough to wish not to be good by letting you go even it is hurting me in the process. It ease up in a bit. Don't worry too much, I will be okay soon. Just take care. I have love you more than I could love someone else.” Roseanne said with her tears spilling without her permission. Her slight smile born in  her lips.

It is bittersweet.

Too much.

Too goddamn much.

A/N: I miss you guys🤍 Errors ahead!

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