In Time (On Hold)

Prologue

Prologue

I lay on my back, just looking back and reliving all the memories. Staring at the ceiling of the hotel room. Tears streaming down my face, but I didn't care anymore. I feel so empty. Like someone punched a hole through my chest and just ripped my heart out. I am so incomplete without her.

I feel awful for doing this to the band, my four best mates. I don't even think I have the right to call them my friends anymore. After they put in so much effort into trying to convince me to live again. Even Lou isn't there for me. To make me laugh, to annoy me until I responded. But I'm not sure if I remember how to do that. How to laugh and smile and just be happy. But how could I do that, when the love of my life isn't with me anymore. The girl who taught me how to smile, the girl who taught me how to live in the moment.

Without her I had no reason to live. My band mates, mother and sister were always there for me but I did this to myself and I don't want anybody else to suffer because of me. I killed her. I have nobody else to blame but myself.

All I want is to wrap my arms around her and never let go. Just to be able to spend the rest of my life with her. I just got a year with her, and I couldn't even say goodbye. It all happened so suddenly.

I keep trying. I try every day to think about something, anything else, to look at the bright side. But I fail, every time I fail. I fail to look at the bright side because there isn't one. I can't take this anymore. The pain, it's just eating me up. And it keeps getting worse. Besides it's best for me and for everybody else.

I walked out of the hotel room, got into the lift and the screams and squeals of hundreds of dedicated fans was now replaced by three words that kept playing in my mind. Crushed. Dead. Forgotten.

I walked out of the lift and walked towards the terrace of the fourteen storey high hotel. I wonder if it would hurt. I don't think it could hurt more than it already does, right? It would be over within seconds. It was the perfect night. The moonlight terrace had a somewhat silvery appearance and the wind made a soft soothing sound as it blew against my skin. Almost like a whisper. It was the perfect night, to die. To go home. To go back to where I truly belong. Hopefully we can have a life together up there.

I took a deep breath and walked towards the edge of the roof. My heart was beating so fast, I was shaking. But it didn't make a difference. In a few minutes it's going to stop anyways. I stepped on the narrow, protruding platform. I shut my eyes and lifted my left leg in the air. I was about to let myself fall when I felt this uncontrolable pain at the back of my head like someone hit me. I felt a pair of hands grab my waist, and everything went black.

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