↱FLORAL FOR YOU↲ ⇾verkwan⇽

Marigold

"You know those two aren't together, right?" Jeonghan whispered to Vernon in the middle of one of the members' occasional movie marathons.

Vernon examined the room before responding. Seokmin, Dino, and Junhui were sharing the big couch, with Mingyu settled on the floor with some blankets. Soonyoung and Seungkwan were the farthest from Vernon and Jeonghan, sprawled on a pile of pillows and immersed in whichever movie the TV screen was playing.

Vernon deemed it safe enough to continue the conversation in hushed tones.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Vernon said, glancing at Seungkwan's relaxed form.

"Vernon, what the-" Jeonghan was baffled, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to process what to say next and looking like a fish out of water in the meantime "you can't be serious."

"Well, sorry to break it to you but, I'm dead serious. Look at them!" Vernon subtly gestured with his hand to the direction of the now cuddling pair.

"You and I both know that them cuddling doesn't mean they're automatically dating," Jeonghan retorted and nodded his head no to punctuate his point, "you're jumping to conclusions."

"Let's say you're right." Vernon narrowed his eyes and clenched his teeth in frustration. "What does that change? I'm still in love and he doesn't return the feelings, end of the story."

"How do you know he doesn't return the feelings if you never confess?" Jeonghan's calm composure never faltered and that only unnerved Vernon even more.

"We've gone over this already," Vernon sighed, eyes back on Seungkwan, taking in the way in which the light from the TV cast shadows on his serene face,

"I'm not going to be the reason he blames himself once... once all of this is over."

"And I don't want to bury my best friend."

The statement hit Vernon like a punch to the stomach and he emitted a gasp. Those words transfigured into pools of sharp crystals, close enough to puncture his skin but sufficiently far to not make him bleed.

A shallow wound that soon enough would become lethal, woven onto the creases of his muscles and pulling at his guilt.

This wasn't fair. He never wanted to hurt anyone.

"I'm so-"

"Could you two please shut it?" Dino whined, head tilted and hands gesturing wildly in annoyance.

Vernon looked at Jeonghan for one last time, eyes pleading for him to understand what was at stake, and stood quickly from his seat.

"I'm going to get more popcorn," Vernon mumbled, somehow expecting someone to ask him to stay.

No one did, so he made his way to the kitchen, feet dragging across the floor.

He didn't realize he was crying until the microwave signaled the popcorn was done.

--

Vernon couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't breathe.

But Vernon could cry, could ache, and could bleed.

The proof was right there, in front of his weakened body.

A toilet filled to the brim with ruined flowers and weeds, floating in a red ocean of tortured thoughts.

He didn't have that much time left, not when marigolds had been added to the list of flowers growing in his garden.

They were yellow too, like the acacia blossoms of concealed love. This time, however, it was jealousy running through his veins, frantic and threading through the carefully cultivated meadows in his chest. Frenzied and giving away to a more visceral and wrecked forest.

No, jealousy had never been green because it had to be as bright as it was deceiving.

And what better than pretending to be the sun when burning the entire world down?

—

The comeback was getting closer, expectations were high, emotions all over the place.

They had been working hard, all of them. So, it was normal for them to plan a little get-together where they ate cheap take-out and reminisced on old times.

Jeonghan was busy telling a story about Seokmin and watermelon, which was surely funny and entertaining but Vernon wasn't in the mood to listen. He excused himself without anyone noticing and went into his room.

It's quiet, peaceful, and exactly what Vernon needed. He just wanted to be alone.

For about half an hour he stared out of the window.

There was not much to see- no cars, no clouds, no twinkling lights in the distance. It was all empty, lonely, and very much reflecting how he felt.

Suddenly, the door opened and there was a voice behind him.

"Hey, Nonnie."

It was Seungkwan.

Vernon watched as Seungkwan made his way over to where he was seated and took the space beside him.

"Want to explain why you disappeared for such a long time? I'm not mad but I know for a fact that the floor isn't very comfortable so, something's going on. Are you ready to finally talk?" Seungkwan said nonchalantly, although Vernon could hear the concern in his voice, see it in his furrowed brows.

He was going to miss that.

"Sure," Vernon voiced after a while, proud of how stable he sounded, "what do you want to know?"

"You know what I want."

Vernon supposed that he couldn't run forever, he had to stop if he wanted to breathe.

It was simply funny how the reason why he ran, was also the one stealing his oxygen supply.

"If I tell you, you'll hate me." Vernon tensed, he didn't have much time before his disease started acting up.

"Try me," Seungkwan challenged and the stubborn set of his jaw spoke for itself. He wasn't going to leave.

"I'm sick."

Silence hung in the air, thick and overwhelming.

"You are what?" Seungkwan uttered, all color draining from his face, the gravity of the situation sinking in.

Vernon held his sobs and tears at bay.

He wasn't going to cry.

"I'm sick." Vernon took a moment to consider what to say next. It was now or never.

"I'm sick and it has got me feeling down. There's no need for you to worry, I've been doing regular check-ups and I'm getting better."

Okay then, it was never.

Seungkwan sat there, blank stare and completely dumbfounded.

"Wait... what is it? A cold? Vernon, it's been... what? Two months?" Seungkwan rushed out, turning to Vernon and placing one of his hands on his forehead, the other caressing the back of Vernon's neck gently.

Vernon wanted to die.

Seungkwan was going to kill him with his sweetness anyway.

"My immune system weakened and I didn't want to worry you... It's all fine now."

Seungkwan looked at him, eyes scanning Vernon's expression in search of something.

"You're not telling me the whole story but... I respect your privacy," Seungkwan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling helpless,

"Thank you for trusting me with this. I will always be here, you know that. At least, I hope you do."

"I know. Thank you." And that was true and Vernon was thankful but he was selfless and in love.

He did what he could to cause the least amount of pain.

If only he hadn't ended up most of the night locked into the bathroom retching both crimson and spring.