Band On The Run

Your Love Is Killing Me

Heaving a big sigh, I stared at Jude unabashedly from our distance of only inches. It wouldn't matter anyways; she was out like a light. She wouldn't even know if I reached out to touch her cheek, but I was almost scared that if I touched her she'd shatter against my hands. She was so delicately. I could observe her as closely as I wanted without any worry of ridicule or sarcasm - wielded as a particularly strong defense mechanism.

She looked far too young right now, and that realization twisted like a pin being rolled in my stomach. This had been a long time coming, there was no doubt. This wasn't the same girl I'd met so long ago, but at the same time I didn't remember much from our visit in between then and now. I remembered the electrifying - if short - show that Red Riot had put on and then going out with them along with her boyfriend Josh and his friends. There had been drinking and the promise of drugs, but it had been smiles and a joint with the hint of something more behind the scenes. Something had happened that had changed, and I hadn't even noticed. There was no way Jude could have completed such a turn around without something devastating.

Her dark hair was twisted messily around her face, squashed up on the back of her head that had been against the pillow and now was pressed against the brick wall that I'd leant her up against. Jude had porcelain white skin, and it was bringing on a slightly green tone at the points of her cuttingly sharp cheekbones. Her lips were slightly parted and every once in a while I put my hand before them, making sure she was still breathing evenly. It was shallow, but still there. All I could ask for at the moment, I supposed.

 This had been coming for a long time - I had no doubt. Yet I still could only remember that adoring look she'd fixed Josh with as she sidled up in the seat beside him, eyes all big and honest. They hadn't been cold then. The way she'd looked at him was just short of sycophantic, but that was gone now. Back then she'd been a cheeky sort of sassy, the type that made you gasp even as you laughed. Maybe a bit arrogant, but anyone that had a mind could see that it was a façade. That had drained out of her like the colour in her cheeks. The atmosphere right from the beginning of the night had been off, and I'd refused to really think about it. Like I'd told Nick, it was none of my business.

With a groan, I pressed my forehead into my knees that I'd pulled up against my chest. Was it by that mindset that I hadn't noticed what was going on her head all the way back then? I'd seen it happen with Seth all those years ago, but I was so focused on not making it my problem I didn't even bother to speak to her about it. Even at that show months ago I'd left early, making sure to not see anything else.

I should have known from the moment I first saw her tonight. Something had been off, but I'd refused to think about it - even Nick had noticed. I'd watched the sidelong glances her band mates her giving her, the way Carl was trying so hard to keep her out of trouble, the sway in her step, the manic energy she was carrying herself with. Sure, she'd always had more energy than was natural, but this was different. She'd been tense and buzzing instead of that floating sensation she used to give people, there had been something ice sharp in her eyes that had been different.

And now she was here, and I'd made a point to ignore what was going on. Maybe one talk, six months ago, could have made it a little different. Because Nick was right in one way - she was a kid. I'd been through this before; I could have spoken to her instead of letting her dive head first. The water was far over her head by now - she was past that point. Jude Turner was drowning, and she didn't care anymore. Her lungs were filling with water as she sunk and she was sucking in deep gulps to help it along.

She was a kid in trouble, and I'd been so set on my own rather pathetic problems that I made sure to ignore it.

My inner monologue of thoughts that were spiralling deeply were suddenly interrupted when I heard footsteps. They were hurried if light and muffled across the grass we were sat on. Panicked my head snapped up, looking around us wildly. I'd been set on us not being seen. I didn't need Nick seeing photographs of me in a place like this after our fight, and the last thing Jude needed was for this to be plastered across the country. She already had a reputation and no one knew her, we didn't need to make it worse.