shimji was masturbating in his eva and was cranking da hog to some femboy porn. "OHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" shinji moaned in pleasure. but then, a portal appeared and misato was like "no shini dont go in there". But then shinji's cum got into his eva's control joystick and he got controller drift and then the eva walked into the portal. and then he became not anime and he became a american. and from now on... shinji's name was sean jibblegobble. SHINJIIIIII (misato yelled as shinji went in the portal)
and then shinji (sean jibblegobble) appeared at a weezer concert. he was in the eva unit so he accidentally stepped on thousands of unarmed civilians. but then, he saw river cuomo performing the hit song "buddy holly" and he felt that it was so relataeble. he felt like he was buddy holly. and asuka was mary tyler moore... but asuka was dating rei .... (authors note: in this universe asuka is actually gay). so he got out of the entry plug and went up to rivers cuomo... then they kissed.... and they had many babys. (authors note in this universe gay sex can result in pregancy)
part 2: shiji and river cuomo get married and go to honeynmoon in beijing
