Chapter 1

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"'You should try writing, it's really fun!', those were the last words my friend said to me before they passed away last week. I'm only sixteen years old, but I feel like I've gone through hell already. My parents are overly strict with everything to the point that the slightest mistake that I make gets me grounded for at least a week. Just yesterday they took my phone away because I didn't hear them when they asked what I wanted for dinner. It upsets me how everyone tells me I'm fine, but if only they walked in my shoes. Maybe I should try writing, I mean what's the worse that could happen?", I was speaking to my only friend that hasn't passed away, Anna.

"Well if you do, you really should share your works with me, I think you'd be a great writer!", she gave a soft smile and closed her eyes to match the expression her mouth had made. My face flushed with a peachy red color, she was adorable. I couldn't tell her this though, what would she think of me?! Why would she date a non-binary person?! Especially me! "Ash... Ash!... ASH!!", Anna yelled to get my attention as I was spiraling into my thoughts once again.

"H..huh?", I snapped out of it and focused back on the conversation. "S..sorry, I was thinking about something!.", ugh I want to be in a relationship with her! Damn, I wish I could just tell her and stop guessing, but I can't...

"Well, I'll be on my way! I have to catch the bus so that I'm not late to get home!", she shouted as she began walking away. I wanted to say something, but my mouth wouldn't move to get the words out. Was I being embarrassed around her again? I thought I was over this, I mean all I wanted to say was a simple goodbye. 

I walked to the store with Anna's words lingering in my head, "I think you'd be a great writer!" The store was more crowded than usual, but it was fine because all I needed was a notebook. Soon I got over to the aisle that I needed, I had to wade through what seemed to be a sea of people. At least the aisle I was looking through wasn't super crowded. 

"Hmm...", I murmured to myself as I dragged one of my fingers across the shelf and along the tags of the notebooks. "I think I'll go with this!", I said picking up just a plain black and white composition notebook. As I was about to walk to the cash register I caught a glimpse of a notebook, but not just any notebook, it was a three hundred paged blank journal. My mouth dropped in awe, it was only 35 euros and I had already decided subconsciously that I needed it. The blank journal not only had 250 lined pages, but 50 pages for story notes, it was perfect. 

My hands moved quickly scooping up the journal with precision and care as to not damage it in any way. I practically ran to the line and waited for about ten minutes to get to the cashier of the express lane. "Beep...Beep...Beep...", the scanner beeped way over fifteen item limit of the guy in front of me and I could tell by the look on the cashier's face that he was not in the mood to deal with him. 

"Your total is 200 euros exactly", the cashier said in a monotone voice that seemed to have anger that slipped into it gradually. The man pulled out his wallet and grabbed a debit card. He swiped it in and put in his pin. His card went dry, he was ten euros short. I sighed and rolled my eyes in anger as I handed the cashier ten euros just to get the man out of the way. "Thank you ma'am", the cashier said as the man walked away. 

Ma'am..., Do I look too feminine today? I thought to myself as I looked down at my bound chest before shrugging it off and paying for my singular item. My trip home was very uneventful, but it was a nice walk if I'm being honest. Everything was going well until my alarm that was set on my watch beeped. "Fuck!", I was out past curfew. "Shit, shit, shit", I mumbled to myself as I began sprinting the last block all the way home only to see my father standing on the porch and shaking his head in disappointment at me.

"Your mother and I expected more from you, young lady", another feminine term was thrown at me. I hadn't come out to my parents yet, so this was to be expected, but it still felt like a knife being slowly stabbed into my chest. It was painful, but I managed to shrug it off once again. "Get in the house, you are grounded for another day!", my father continued as if he attempted to attack me with his words.

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