Sam P's Pears

Pear 4

I guess it's that time again, where I review a pear. This will be the 4th pear I've eaten in the last 6 weeks, which is probably more pears than I've had in years. This one won't be a live review, but it will be an accompaniment for me finishing my maths hw.


First, I shall describe the origin story of this fine specimen. I think it was Tuesday 5th October 2021, and I had received a pear the day before, which I reviewed 2 days ago. Therefore this event was quite eventful, as I possessed 2 pears in my possession simultaneously (which were contained in my bag), which isn't my usual Tuesday. We were at a long table in the LRC, and the pear was within my grasp. However, disaster struck- it ended up falling in a downwards direction. Whilst it did arrive at me, it wasn't in a very desired method, as instead of going through a hand transaction, it rolled up to me by my feet. Despite this, the pear has been washed, so I view it as good as new, and I'm sure it will taste so.

I will now give an overview of the pear lying before me. It has an extremely pear-like appearance, and to the general citizen it could be confused for an ordinary pear, but I know better; this is one of the famed Sam **** P******s' Pears. As for the shape of it, like I mentioned in the last review it is smaller, and if you could excuse the crude comparison, if the last pear was an erect penisular, this would be a flaccid penisus (to give the latin name) It is currently stalkless, due to me having removed it recently. I did plan on pulling it out by exerting a force outwards and upwards, in the same direction as the support force exerted on the pear by my hand. However, I ended up pulling at a 90° angle, which ripped a small part of the side out. Whilst this wasn't what I intended to do, I may have found a much viable way to unfasten the stalk. Although, this would only work on pears, as for example apples have much more mass around the base of the stalk, which would require much more force, which would probably end up just snapping the stalk.


I was planning on just writing this after eating it, as I wrote the preceding part pre-pear eating. However, after taking the first bite, I just had to write about it. This pear is looking like it will be very juicy indeed. If so, this will easily make the best pear from Sam, if not the best pear I've ever had.

Wow. That was an amazing pear. I was planning on eating it while I did my maths, but instead I wolfed it down like a lawn mower/cow hybrid eating grass. It was just so juicy and delicious. I was right about what I said before as well, as this wins first prize for any pear (Also I was wrong about the Maths, I needed to do a bit more than just finish it).

Sam was definitely missing out by not eating this, but now it's too late. He will have to either time travel, or steal it out of my body, and one of them is a crime, and the other isn't possible yet. Also I refer to Sam P in the third person, and not the second, as it's unlikely he will read this. On the plus side, now we are free to say what we want about him. So, erm, Sam P is a dumdum plip plop, with a small PP. He also wears a nappy, and sleeps in a crib, which is inside of a prison, as he's a convicted criminal. Then one day, he made a daring escape, and ended up in Hucknall. Also the prison was alcatraz. He assumed the name Sam P*******, and now has a full time acting career as a boy going to Sixth Form, despite actually being 36 years old. He was arrested for the attempted genocide of a specific class/race/gender/religion of people. Moreover, he was put on a list for taking pleasure out of a specific genre of videos rhyming with Holly. He also leaves the seat up, puts milk before cereal and leaves the lights on after leaving a room. There, I said it. (Also if you do read this, I joking, April fools!!!, pls dont sue me =( =( =(=()

So as for any disadvantages of the pear, there was a bit in the centre which seemed a bit odd (a bit like the middle of an apple, but no pips this time), but I don't even remember it that well, as before I knew it the pear was gone, and on its way to being digested. Nevertheless, that was the only downside I could find. Even the bottom furry leaf bit couldn't be tasted over all the succulent pear juice.


In conclusion, this was probably actually unironically really in reality truly literally in fact the nicest and best pear I've ever had. I even used all the adverbs I could use, which came off sounding sarcastic, but it was delectable. The only sad thing is that I probably won't ever find a nicer pear. Even so, I can still have hope that one day, it could be possible to find one that matches up to Sam's.