It takes two to create a whole | Soukoku Au |

Don't go.

Note:

Suicide (attempt) warning

~

Dazai had never run so fast before. The sky felt too clear for the moment rushing by. Even his feet seemed to be moving far too slow as if he had no traction on the ground. Maybe Chuuya would still be awake when he got into the dorm room. His eyes trailed the passing trees, he'd never felt like this before as if this last thread was about to give out. What if... Chuuya. No, he wouldn't think that way, not when he'd been struggling in a pit since Oda's demise. Couldn't they go any faster? It was already the 22nd hour of the day, still half an hour away from the campus. Of course, they get stuck in traffic to add more time to the journey. When he finally did arrive and pay the cab, he bolted inside. He didn't care if he woke others up by dashing down the hall with his single suitcase. Even if somebody threatened his life, he wasn't going to slow down until he saw him.

His fingers grabbed his keys, fumbling with them before opening the dorm door. Panting, he scanned the room. Finding the T.v on and the boy he was looking for in front of the T.V. "Chuuya..." Dazai trailed off leaning against his suitcase. Trying to catch his breath.

"If you're here to make an excuse, I don't care. We were exclusive, but it's not like we were together. I don't need to hear an excuse." Dazai shook his head, pitifully watching Chuuya stand up from the couch and turn the T.V off.

"But Chuuya I-"

He didn't say anything more, rather he couldn't with the small lighting provided by the open window, he couldn't focus on anything but the expression on the ginger's face. He was used to seeing his ticked-off expression. It was never directed at him in a hostile way, but this... this time it was. "Shut. Up." Chuuya turned around and walked away heading to his room. Dazai reached out for the back of his shirt, missing the cloth by centimeters.

"Chuu...ya... I..." He was right though, wasn't he? Dazai had been the one to say he didn't want them to be a thing. Maybe if they had been a thing, this would have gone down differently. From his perspective, Chuuya was pissed, but not devastated. He moved without thinking, dragging his feet to his room where he could slide down the door. He covered his mouth with his hands. Dazai didn't cry, he laughed, smiled, drank, fucked, or knocked himself out before the tears started. The next morning, he'd talk with Chuuya. Surely he was just a little upset and wasn't going to discard their relationship.

This was the only way Dazai was going to survive, lying to himself. He'd always done it, what was one more scar, one more lie?

~

He didn't sleep that night, when his room lit up and heard footsteps, he stood on wobbly feet looking in the mirror once to make sure he didn't look horrible. Slipping from his room, he found Chuuya cooking. "What's for breakfast?" Chuuya let out a heavy sigh without turning to him. No affectionate smile, no rolling of his eyes or grumbling under his breath.

"I'm making myself eggs, there's cereal and stuff in the pantry and refrigerator. You can make your own meals." Dazai froze, tilting his head like a child.

"But Chibi-"

"Stop insulting me based on height, Dazai."

"You always make us breakfast." So Dazai started from square one, he adjusted his words.

"I did, when there was an us. Before a certain somebody screwed it up."

"Chuuya, I-" he stopped his words when Chuuya finally turned to look at him. His eyes didn't look like the soft ocean anymore. They were cold, like an ice storm. Dazai nodded and for the day tried to explain himself. All he got were dead-stares, being flipped off and the words I don't care.