𝐴𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑡ℎ ᵇˣᵇ

01 Fake

Our faces were so close to each other, that we could feel the others breath. I could even smell the mint, Minhee had eaten before.
And that's when I closed my eyes and closed the small space between us. She didn't kiss back and I knew her eyes weren't closed either. Was she surprised? Probably not but she acted like she was.

My hand moved from her shoulder to her hair and I slightly grabbed it. A second later she joined the slow rhythm in which my lips moved against hers.

"Cut!" This was the thirteenth time. The thirteenth time that we had to stop the scene because of some detail the director wanted to change. My lips were hurting already and I knew that this was just the beginning.

"Taehan, we couldn't see your lips again. I told you you have to lower your arm."
I nodded. "Yes." I had to stay professional but it was too hard to focus in scenes like this, when all I could think of was, when my manager would come to pic me up.

Why did I agree to this role again? Ah, right. I need the money.

And just like that we started the scene again and again and again to the point that i stopped counting.

"Hyung¹, I don't think I can do this anymore." I whined while letting myself fall into to the passenger seat.
My manager started the car. "What are you talking about?"
"Acting like this. It's just so.. so.. fake."
"Does that mean you are you going to back out now?"
"No, that's not what I meant. I know that I can't quit this drama, but can't I do a bl² next? Please, Hyung. I'm so sick of the same boring straightness everyday."
"Taehan, you know exactly, why I can't allow you to do it. Stop now."
"The groups reputation and my image, I know. But isn't our concept 'be yourself'. I don't see where this is being yourself. I'm literally lying to half a million people." I was upset. We were having the same conversation over and over everyday and everytime I was getting hella mad. Mad at my manager, mad at the company and mad at the world. Why can't I just do what I want?

"Look, I know that you are struggling with these roles, but this is what you signed up for when you decided to be an idol. The image of idols is important. You have to get that inside your head."

"But Moonbin³ and Hyunjun⁴ and-"
My manager interrupted me.
"Taehan. As much as I love D.Side you have to admit, that you guys aren't as fame as neither Astro nor The Boyz. They can do stuff like that and people are happy about it because they show support, but for a small group like yours.. it could mean the end. Haters are everywhere."
"Sang⁵ of Imfact.." I tried again, but the look my manager gave me, already said it all. Yeah, Imfact had not released anything in over a year, but that was only because Jian and Jeup were in the military... right?

"Pull yourself together, Taehan. The shooting is almost over anyway."
"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that you are going to get me another job right after this one."
"Many producers want you for their dramas, what am I supposed to do? Decline all of the offers?"
"Yes."
He went silent for a second. "You know that you need the money."

I knew the conversation was over. It always ended like this.
I closed my eyes, while breathing out slowly to calm down. After all, this for sure wasn't worth getting wrinkles.
"Hyung... you're so stubborn."

---

"Look at that. Our visual is home from an exhausting day on set. Do you want a tea, pretty?"
I declined the offer from my band mate and leader Yoosang and just let myself sink onto the couch. "Why is the world such a cruel place?"

Yoosang sat beside me, in his hands a cup of tea that he took a sip of before answering. "It's not the world, but the humans, Tae."
"Ha, I guess you're right." I turned my head to look at him. With the dark blond hair of his falling messy over his forehead and with the wierd cardigan that he always wore he almost looked like a homeless man or Kang Yohan⁶ when he was at home. If Yoosang wouldn't have a stylist for events, then his image would be hopelessly lost.

"Where are the others?" I asked while brushing through my own ash brown hair.
"They went out to the company to practice a little bit. How was the shoot?" Yoosang asked.
I growled when the memorys of today came back into my head.
"Kiss scene." I just said and Yoosang immediately understood why my mood was the way it was. "Oh, that's harsh. I'll make you some ramen to cheer up, okay? Just wait a minute." With that he ruffled through my hair, got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen.

I let myself sink deeper into the cushions and closed my eyes. "I fought with Youngseok⁷ again." 
"Is he still not letting you play in a bl?" He turned around from putting the noodles in a pot to see me nod and sighed. "I don't get why something like that is such a problem. Bls are getting very popular lately. This would probably help the group, rather than destroying it."
"Exactly."
"I'll talk to him later. Maybe I can change his mind."
I smiled. "Thank you, Hyung."
I said that, yes. But I wasn't expecting much to be honest. It was not the first time someone had tried to talk to Youngseok. I knew he only wanted the best for us, but I couldn't help disliking his way of handling this matter. He was a stubborn person.

‐--------
¹: Hyung = a way for males to address older males, if they are close. It actually means something like 'older brother'.

²: bl = boys love

³: Moonbin of Astro portrayed a gay character in the k drama 'At Eighteen'.

⁴: Hyunjun Hur (Hwall) a former The Boyz member played the male lead in the bl drama 'Color Rush'.

⁵: Sang of the rather small and unknown group Imfact, played the male lead in the bl drama 'Wish You: melody from my heart'.

⁶: Kang Yohan is a character in the k drama 'The Devil Judge'. When he is at home he often wears rather comfortable outfits like cardigans or dressing gowns combined with undone, messy hair.

⁷: Lee Youngseok = D.Sides manager