Things You Find While On The Weird Side of the Internet

Chapter 1: Egoraptor's "It's Dangerous To Go Alone"

~ Let me just say that this one is kinda weird and VERY fucked up... WARNING: IF YOU READ ALL THE WAY THROUGH, IT MAY RUIN YOUR INNOCENCE/VISION OF ZELDA! -Emma

P.s. I love Egoraptor, this is just considered "weird" in my book... Anyway, enjoy! ~

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link:

My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule

Been on the force of good since 1986, old school

I'm bringin' you a laid back summer time jam

Old man:

Hold on a minute, Link!

Link:

Hey what's up, old man?

Old man:

I see that you're embarking on another epic quest

You're gonna use your Ocarina to rescue the princess

But you'll need a magic wepon that'll never-ever miss

It's dangerous to go alone, take this!

Link:

Oh thanks old man that is really very nice

I can always count on you for help and friendly advice

Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size

Oh, GOD, that's not a sword it's your di*k in disguise!

Old man:

Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween

Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean

Wait a minute Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going

This is a great chance to fondle old scrotum that you've been blowing

Link:

That was weird but whatever there is no time to lose

I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove

Wait this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City

This place looks like Philidelphia, but even more shitty

I'm at the corner of Deadcop and Prostitute Junction

Something in my Ocarina must've gone and malfunctioned

I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do

Old man:

Hold on a minute, Link!

Link:

Old man is that you?

Old man:

This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits

It's dangerous to go alone, take this!

Link:

Well that's really kind of-

GAH, it's your winkled di*k again!

Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men!

Old man:

Don't be that way, bitch, let me introduce you

To my three best friends, Mr. Johnson and the juice crew

If you save the princess, Zelda, well, you know you're gonna grab her

So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo-jabber

Link:

Oh my god

I gotta warp outta here, princess Zelda awaits

I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late

Okay, now I REALLY don't know where I am

Old man:

Hold on a minute, Link!

Link:

GODDAMMIT, OLD MAN!

Old man:

You're in Racoon City, it's a zombie abyss

It's dangerous to go alone, take-!

Link:

NO! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I'M NOT GIVING YOU A-... I'M NOT TOUCHING YOUR W-... STOP THE CHILLED OUT GROOVE!!! GEEZ. YOU COME IN HERE TELLIN' ME THAT YOU GOT A WEE-WEE WEAPON. IT'S NOT COOL. I'M NOT GOING TO TOUCH IT, I'M NOT GONNA SCH- FUUUUU- NO!

Old man:

... So... Is that a no on the handjob ooorrrr...? Okay.

(Link to the music video: http://youtu.be/0m9QUoW5KnY)