Suffering

Past vs Present

It's impossible to know what a person has experienced. If you don't know their pain, you can't understand it. There's no way to look at a person and tell who they are, yet some people will still pass judgements on looks alone. It takes time to get to know a person—patience and perseverance. Some are easier to become acquainted with than others and everybody is different. Everyone has their own preferences, their own likes and dislikes. And sometimes... you think that you've found a person you know—someone who truly knows you, but that can all turn out to be a lie.

Kawaki learned this through trial and tribulations, and he'd changed many times in his life from what he experienced. He'd loved, he'd lost. He'd lived, he'd learned. He'd tried, he'd failed. Then finally, one day, he'd given up. That day had been on a cold, stormy day towards the end of fall in middle school. The day that loss finally overwhelmed him—when he finally reached a point of no return, and he didn't have anything else to live for. That day changed everything for him and there was no going back.

His childhood had many tragedies. His father had been an abusive alcoholic, his mother had been a neglectful drug addict. They were wealthy and they abused that in all the wrong ways and they both lost their lives because of their own foolishness. Kawaki was only ten years old when they both died. While his parents weren't the best people in the world... they were his parents and Kawaki did love them. Their deaths took a toll on him, especially with all the changes that came from them.

He had an older cousin who was in his twenties that was more than willing to take custody of him. Kawaki didn't have a choice in the matter, with them being his only living relative and the cousin was giddy over it. Having custody of Kawaki meant having access to money and having a large house to live in comfortably. Kawaki wouldn't have minded having his cousin around to raise him, if the guy had been at least a little smart. But no, he'd turned to drugs too, he didn't do anything for Kawaki. He was only in it for the free money.

Kawaki learned to fend for himself from an early age. He cooked his own meals, shopped for himself, did his own homework and kept the large house clean all on his own. He was a quiet kid who harbored a lot of pain inside of him, but he hid it well. People didn't really like him, they found him intimidating and mean, even though he didn't want to be a mean person. Kawaki just wanted friends like any other kid, but he was awkward and didn't know how to go about things like that. He often got into fights from other boys feeling threatened by him and while he wasn't one to start anything with anyone, he wasn't going to back down either.

Then one day, in his eleventh year of life, Kawaki's first friend stormed into his life and made himself a place as if it were the most natural thing. They'd been in the middle of class when the boy who sat next to him passed him a note. Kawaki was suspicious and glanced at the blond with furrowed brows, not understanding the way he was struggling to keep from grinning. He peeked over at Kawaki who was still watching him and finally allowed his lips to split apart in a grin. The boy, Boruto, took cheeky to a whole new level. Kawaki returned his grey eyes to the note and unfolded it, lips parting as he read the contents.

Hey. Let's be friends. I think you're cute.

Kawaki's ears turned red and he frowned, not amused by the joke his classmate was making at all. He crumpled up the note and tossed it back at the blond, wondering why everyone had to have a problem with him. So maybe he wasn't a normal kid like everyone else, he wanted to be... that's all he wanted, to be considered normal just like the others. Maybe his family wasn't a good family—and they were all gone aside from his no good cousin. But Kawaki didn't think he should be held accountable for their actions. He was just a kid.

When class ended, the blond was back at it, leaning over Kawaki's desk until their noses were almost touching. He was glaring, at least to start with and Kawaki stared at him in surprise. Just when he thought he was going to get into another fight, Boruto giggled and leaned back a bit. He chided Kawaki for ignoring him, claimed it hurt his feelings and that he wasn't taking no for an answer. There was obviously some hidden agenda there, so Kawaki brushed him off and went to his next class that was, thankfully, without the blond.