All over me

Last Night

Today made me so mad but also incredibly sad. Dr. M had lost her wife and she had some nosy student asking all about it. I was so dumb to ask and to actually think she'd want to confide in me. We aren't friends, and she made sure that I knew it too. 

So, in an effort to make this day better, I'm was going out tonight. There's this bar about 45 minutes away that hosts an lgbtq+ night every Wednesday. I knew that there would be someone there to take everything off my mind, and the alcohol wouldn't hurt either.  So, I came home, made dinner, and then got ready for my night out. I made sure to wear something that I would feel extremely confident in. Tonight would give me the control I wanted back since I completely lost it earlier. 

I decided to wear my tightest black jeans with rips at the knee and on the back of the leg. I tucked in a tight grey cotton tank top and wore a light button-down over it. I wore the button-down unbuttoned so you could see the tank top the most. I was hoping this would be what would grab peoples' attention. I decided to wear my favorite vans so no one could mistake me as straight. I wore my hair down and straightened with the necklace I always wear. I took a final look in the mirror and headed on my way to the bar, it was around 10. 

When I got to the bar, I could see all the women outside waiting to get in. I got in line and of course, I saw some girl I hooked up with a month or so ago. Unwanted by me, she came up and gave me a huge hug. 

While we were hugging, she pulled away slightly and whispered in my ear, "I'm not here with anyone tonight soo." 

God, it's insane for her to assume I'd want to repeat any of what happened that night. I said okay and thankfully it was my turn to go in. I went straight to the bar. It wasn't too crowded yet. I liked to get there early so I could get a seat and then just watch the ladies come in and out during the night. I usually was able to pick up someone this way. 

It had been an hour or so and I was close to 3 drinks at this point. I was feeling good but still hadn't seen anyone I was super into yet. Then, this woman with long brown hair walks in... OH FUCK that's Dr. M. I looked away immediately and turned my back to her. I tried not to think about the fact she was here and all that it meant, but I couldn't. 

I stopped myself and thought, Wait, no. She is not going to ruin my night and I will not shy away from her. I am here and will have a good time just as she will. 

I turned my chair back to how it originally was and drank my drink. I returned to looking around, but not for Dr. M. Who knows where she went and it didn't matter. A little while later I saw this beautiful blonde woman who was wearing this amazingly tight shirt and dark jeans. She turned around and saw me looking her up and down. She didn't seem to be with anyone, so I gave her a smirk and looked away. I was hoping she was come up to the bar so I could start talking to her. I looked back and she was walking towards me. I got all ready to say something and then she didn't even look at me... she just kept walking!! I turned around and saw she was walking towards Dr. M!! 

Dr. M was diagonal to me so we hadn't met eyes yet. I just stared as the blonde flirted with her and she seemed to be only kind of into it. I took a sip of my drink, looked away, and when I looked back, Dr. M was staring directly at me. I almost choked on my drink and looked away immediately. I got up from my seat and headed towards the bathroom so I could escape this fucking night. 

I went in and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked hot but damn did I look stressed. I had lost that confidence and it was all I could do to not let my natural facial expression scare off any potential women. I splashed water in my face and then headed back to the bar. I walked back to where I was sitting and there she was. Dr. M was in my chair and she was sitting there on purpose. She turned towards me and very drunkenly said, "Heyyyy Alex, funny seeing you here! Did I take your girl? You were probably just a tad too young for her."