it'll be okay

chapter 6

chapter warning !! this chapter focuses quite a bit on Wilhelms eating disorder. Mentions of restricting, purging and binging.
These mentions are very in detail, so proceed with caution. Click away at any second if needed!
Be careful loves <3

august 11th, 2023

Wilhelm woke up alone since Simon had early classes.
Not really getting out of bed for anything, Wilhelm quickly sent a text to Simon to notify him that he was awake.

"Just woke up. Ill see you later🤍"
Smiling at his own text, he was even happier when he got a reply with lots of different colored hearts.

Going into the kitchen to make some kind of breakfast, he found that Simon had spared a few pancakes for him.
Stealing the pancakes from the fridge, he entered his room again.
"Wait fuck, I forgot to make coffee."
Setting his plate down and entering the kitchen again, Wilhelm turned on the machine and grinded some coffee beans.
Finally brewing his coffee, he hummed softly while waiting.
"There we go"
Finally entering his room again, he had a small bedtable set up to put his breakfast on.
Setting on a baking show, he started eating.
His mind wandered. He knew how many calories his coffee contained, but not the pancake.
Beginning to panic, he instantly texted Simon.
"Hey, you got a recipe on those pancakes?"
Simon answered with a link.
Wilhelm was at 115 calories right now with his coffee, now he just had to measure out his pancakes.
The recipe was simple and easy, and they do look good.
100 grams were about 225, and Wilhelm could see in his head after a whole year of the same thoughts about food, the pancakes on his plate was about 100 grams.
So after eating that, it would be about 325 calories. That was okay. He was allowed to eat.

Instead of the bakeoff, Wilhelm made it easier for himself to eat. He found a video of someone vlogging their binge.
It always made him feel better if he saw people eating more than him. It always made it easier to swallow.
Taking his first bite, he felt pure bliss and anxiety at the same time.
Simon was so damn good at being in the kitchen and he made the best food ever.
Wilhelm was so sad about his eating disorder.
It was almost a never ending cycle.
He felt confident in overcoming it with Simon's help tho, he wasnt totally lost.

Suddenly he'd finished his food and his coffee, the video coming to an end seconds after.
He felt disgusting.
"Not now, too little food.." He whispered to no one in particular.

Deciding to distract himself, he found his sketchbook and decided to draw whatever he wanted.
Strawberries were always fun to attempt.
Slowly letting his hand control his pencil to draw the shape of a strawberry, he concentrated a lot.
He decided to draw fruits and all sorts of food categories.

Beside the strawberry, he'd have drawn a watermelon, a lime and a blackberry.
Drawing carrots, cucumbers and iceberg salad in one section.
Bread, drinks - solids, liquids.
The page was full.
Full with food.
His smile vanished a bit.
His mind was so extremely concentrated on food, something he needs to survive, yet he tries his best to avoid it.
Feeling sorry for himself, Wilhelm let himself enter the kitchen again.
He knew exactly where everything was, he had it memorized in his mind.

Opening one of the many cupboards, he filled his arms up with sweets. Cookies, cake and chocolate bars.

Locking himself in the privacy of his bedroom, Wilhelm let himself binge.
He couldnt stop.
He felt so full, so disgusting.
But it was never enough.
More.
More.
Until he couldnt handle it anymore and ran to the bathroom.
Crying as he purged, he screamed out crying.
Punching at his face, hugging his knees close to his chest.
"Fuck fuck fuck!" He yelled in distress.
Spending hours in the bathroom, letting the shower cleanse him clean, he finally went out into his room again.

Simon was gonna be home soon, Wilhelm reassured himself.
Its gonna be okay again.

While slumpily reading a book on his bed with music playing in the background, Simon finally came home.

"Im home!" He yelled to make sure Wilhelm heard him.
Setting his bookmark and finishing up annotating a certain line, Wilhelm went out to greet his boyfriend.
"Hi, did you have a good day?" He asked while he gave him a big hug.
"My classes were okay, I just have a bit of homework. I can tell im starting to get a bit of a cold, but thats okay. What about you love? Did you like my pancakes?" Simon looked at Wilhelm with so much love.
"Yeah, they were really good. I loved them" He smiled.

"Well I need to finish up some work, so im gonna go do that." He pecked his boyfriend on the cheek and walked inside their now shared room.
Wilhelm followed after, continuing to read his book.

A quick 2 hours went by easily, and Simon was finally done with his homework.
Closing his computer, he threw himself onto the bed with Wilhelm.
Wrapping himself around the blonde, they both started giggling.
Wilhelm gave him a quick kiss, smiling into it.
"Holy fuck, your hands are so cold. Youre really catching a cold, huh?" He laughed as Simon looked offended.
"Well I cant change how im cold! If I get sick, youre gonna have to take care of me. Are you sure you can handle that job?" He smirked.
"No, absolutely not. Thats why im gonna pre-treat you before you get a cold." Wilhelm raised himself from the bed, going away.
Simon let himself close his eyes and relax.

Wilhelm prepared fresh cut fruits and a big cup of tea for his boyfriend.
When he came back with a tray in his hands, Simon smiled.
"Thank you"
"No problem, eat up. I'll make you a bath after, yeah? To get you really warm."
"Thanks Wille, I appreciate it."
"Oh of course you do, im just doing my duty as a boyfriend" He teased.
He sat down beside Simon, watching his boyfriend eat and drink his tea peacefully.
Once his plate was almost empty, Wilhelm started preparing a bath.

"Your bath is ready love, ill be in here if you need anything."
"Alright, thanks dear." And with that, Simon went and closed the door behind him.

Wilhelm was getting hungry, but he decided to ignore it and keep on reading.

About 30 minutes later, Simon comes out of the bathroom.

Seating himself beside Wilhelm, he leans his head on his shoulder.

"Thanks for the bath, it was nice."

"Youre welcome."

"You hungry?"
Simon asks.

"Mm, nah, not really."

"Dear, your stomach is rumbling. You need to eat at least a little bit."

"I dont wanna.."
Wilhelms trails off.

"Todays been hard on you?"

"Mhm, dont wanna talk about it right now. I just regret it all."

"Thats okay, but you need to eat something. What about an apple? Apples are healthy dear." Simon desparately comes with ideas.

"Okay, just for you tho.."

"Thank you love, you'll get better. Fast or slow, we'll get there."

"I love you."

"I love you too Wille."