Love You to the Moon and Back

Nicky's Graduation Day - Spring 2040

"Nicky!" I call up the staircase. "Dominick Roberto Carisi!" I call again—still no response or movement from upstairs.

The front door opens, "Papa," I hear a young female voice call out.

I turn towards the entryway as Billie walks in. "Hey, baby," I say as she comes over and hugs me.

"Is he taking his time?" Billie asks.

"Teenage boys are the worst," I laugh.

"And daughters, are that much easier?" Billie asks me. She is twenty-one years old and is studying science at university. She plans to become a doctor like her biological father.

"Where's Jesse?" I ask.

"Parking the car," Billie replies as her older sister shuts the front door behind her.

Jesse walks over to us, and I throw my other arm around her in a hug. "Lazy assed brother," Jesse mumbles. Of the two girls, Jesse is most like her mother in personality. I kiss each of the young beautiful blonde women on the cheek. I am so proud to call them my daughters. "Nicky," Jesse hollers in her loudest, most obnoxious voice, "Get your ass down here now!"

Thump, thump comes the footsteps, and Nicky finally emerges at the top of the stairs. I gulp back a breath as he steps down the stairs. Nicky stands over six feet like me and is lanky. He has my blue eyes, but they are almond-shaped like Clara's, and his hair and skin tone match Clara's. Nicky has my nose. "We've got plenty of time," he moans.

"But we want a little family celebration first," Billie explains.

"Yeah, Numb Nuts."

"Girls," I say to halt their teasing.

I had only partially taken Clara's advice in her farewell letter. Jesse and Billie deserved a father, a legal father, who would love them, raise them and protect them. After much soul searching, Rollins and I took Clara's words to heart and agreed that I would legally adopt the girls as my own. We shared custody until they reached adulthood. The day Jesse and Billie Rollins became Jesse and Billie Carisi, I went from being called Uncle Sonny to Dad, which was one of the happiest days of my life. Amanda and I remain friends and partners in co-parenting our daughters, but I  can never take Clara's advice and move on romantically with her.

There had been a single soccer mom and one local newspaper columnist for companionship over the years, but no one I wanted to spend my life with. Clara had been my heart. Today was when the little piece of her left in this world graduated from high school.

"Afterwards, okay," he tells us. 

I notice his eyes are a bit red-rimmed, and I wonder if he had read the letter from Clara I  dropped on his desk last night while he had been sleeping. There are still a few more letters in the box for future events in his life. One for university graduation, one for his wedding day and one for the day he becomes a father. Clara saw ahead to all the big moments in his future. Her letters ceased when I spread her ashes on the West Coast of Canada, so I am slightly jealous that our son can still connect with her.

"Sure," I say. "Did you talk to Nana and Nonno Lucia this morning?"

"Yeah, they were sorry they couldn't come," he tells us. Clara's parents are getting quite elderly, and we neither expected them to come out for their grandson's graduation. Every summer since Nicky was old enough to fly on his own, he's travelled to Canada to spend his school vacation with Clara's family. He's grown close to Bethany and Angela and their families.

"Well, you will have a large cheering section at the ceremony," Jesse says. "Aunt Olivia and Uncle Rafa will be there." Jesse smiles. At least one Sixteenth Precinct romance worked out for the best, as Captain Benson had kicked her lingering feelings for Elliott Stabler to the curb and moved on with my buddy Barba.

"Everybody ready?" I ask. "Nicky, go get your graduation robe," I order. He bounds upstairs as the three of us wait in the hallway for him to return.

"Has he been crying?" Billie asked.

"I think he read his mother's letter," I tell the girls.

"Letter?" Jesse asks.

"Auntie Clara left letters for all the milestones in Nicky's life," Billie explains. "He told me once about them."

"Did she leave one for you too, Dad?" Jesse asks.

"No," I shook my head. "The last words from her I read the day I spread her ashes."

"Oh, Papa, I'm so sorry," Billie says as she hugs me again.

"It's okay," I told her. "I'm at peace with it."

Nicky comes back downstairs wearing his graduation robe.