III. Caleb

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................ (Caleb)...............
I went to Moitu, the place where my lover is. I'm too bored and cut classes; Quintin and Shaun didn't stop me because they knew.

As I sat there and cried, knowing she's gone hurts. The girl I love will never go back into my arms again, but I was surprised when this girl showed up in the middle of nowhere; what left me in awe was that... she wiped my tears away, and pity was nowhere in her eyes. Her eyes told me 'that I can share your pain with me.'

It was all so sudden.

Many months had passed, and here I am, slowly putting myself back before Sofiah left my life. I can't imagine a life without her, but... today, all I have to do is accept.

At first, Shaun despised the idea of me liking Sofiah, but I came to prove to him that I could be a man who would love his sister until we got old. A 16-year-old saying that—it can't be accurate, but... it's me. I may be young, but I don't court someone I know I can't be with forever.

I promised her;

"Hey, Peace. I promise that I will protect you though you have your brother with that." I chuckled. "We might be young, but... I love you, and I'll make sure that when you cry, it will only be the day when I die," I said and smiled. We're in a marriage booth saying our vows to each other. Funny.

"Mmm, Chaos! I would also protect you and love you, and you will only cry the day when I die too!" She exclaimed and giggled. She used to call me chaos, for I don't know the reason. Peace is her second name. That's what I call her.

The actual marriage and the happy life I wanted to make with her someday vanished. Who would have known that she was sick?! I was clueless!

When she was lying on her deathbed, she requested a place with many flowers and peaceful surroundings for her burial place---for I used to call her Peace because she is my peace.

It hurts me to see her lips pale, having dark circles in her eyes, and she was fragile while I was holding her hand. I want to end her suffering, but I also don't want her to leave me.

It hurt me, knowing I won't feel her warm embrace-- with only a cold and lifeless, Sofiah.

It only took a few days for me to be with her. Here I am crying because you left me, Sofiah. What you said is right; I'll be crying the day you die.

"I love you, Chaos." Those were her last words, and my eyes produced tears I never knew I had. I've become a crybaby ever since then; she left me, us.

After her death, some what-ifs revolve around my head. What if she wasn't sick? Are we still together? What if they found out that she was ill and treated her early?

Those what-ifs thoughts bugged me throughout my sleep every day. Every corner of the school reminded me of our memories together.

"Hey, no fair! That's mine!" She exclaims. She's adorable doing that.

"Say ahh! Open your mouth!" I said and took the chocolate close to her mouth. She pouted but still opened her mouth. But when she's about to, I lift the chocolate bar again!

"Chaos!" She prolonged, complaining. Her shoulders crossed, and she glared at me. I pinched her cheeks.

"Here, I won't take it anymore," I said and gave her the chocolate she wanted.

Those were the happy times we were together. We would eat, walk, and mind our own business without anything else in mind. She is the dream I always wanted, but that dream didn't last that long.

"Chaos!" I smiled when I saw her skipping on her way to me.

I caressed her hair "Yes, my Peace?" I replied, and I saw her blush; I always smile when she does.

"I miss you, Peace," I said as I caressed the gravestone with her name.

I missed those times when I used to call her, and she answered back. But now;

"Are you okay? Is everything okay? Are you happy? Where are you right now?" I said slowly, tears falling out of my eyes. But now, all I have of you are memories. I miss you.

She passed away the same day that we should have held our 1st Anniversary together. The day that we would be crying because of happiness became the opposite of it.

I pulled myself up every day and felt the numbness I wanted my heart to handle. I've always witnessed how hurtful it is and how complicated love can be.

The world is cruel, and I didn't want to face that. I hate how everything turned blank without Sofiah by my side. It seems so unfamiliar and colorless that waking up every morning knowing that I have to live another day, even if it feels pointless---that I have to move on without her in my life.

I don't know how to find happiness anymore. I can no longer be happy in things I used to laugh my guts out.

Shaun and Quintin said that my personality changed because of what happened. Yes, I know I did. I became cold and less jolly than before.

I wasn't the only one who got hurt, and I could hear Shaun's cries every night.

I always pitied myself and Shaun, but... life is inevitable, but all we have to do is accept.

Accept that she left us and... someone who will never come back in my arms again. Someone who will always have a unique space in our hearts until we grow old.

And the girl I will always love.

———————MissKjj07———————10/25/21
[10th Tatsu, Ma'am P's b-day]

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