Release Me

Chapter 7 Attacks and Imagining

I walk slowly to the kitchen doorframe and look around.

No Parker.

I smile slightly and load my Nerf gun. I hear a step behind me and turn around fast.

No one. I breathe deeply and hold my gun in front of me.

Without warning, Parker jumps out from behind the kitchen table and I damn near lose my shit.

Parker collapses from laughter and I breathe out, flustered.

Soon, I realize I'm not breathing in.

I'm not breathing at all.

No no no. Not another anxiety attack.

Please no..

Parker's eyes travel to mine and when he says my name it sounds muffled, like I'm under water.

My breaths come in sharp bursts and my lungs aren't getting enough oxygen to support me.

I feel my heart race and my eyes get heavy.

Then I see nothing but black.

***

Though my vision is slightly blurred when I open my eyes, I notice what I see before me.

A blue room. An I.V. A chair next to my bed.

I'm in the hospital.

Beside me, I see Parker with his face in his hands.

I draw in a shaky breath.

"Park.." My voice sounds raspy, like I smoke a pack a day.

Parker's face darts straight up, his bloodshot eyes alert. The bags under his eyes pronounce themselves like he hasn't slept in days.

"Do you know how long you were asleep? Do you know how long you had me worried?" Parker yells.

"1: stop being an ass. 2: how long?" I ask.

"3 days!" Parker booms. "3 days of forced I.V. food and me worrying that you wouldn't wake up!"

I look down and notice a difference.

"Parker.." I manage, my voice quaking.

"Parker, what happened to my baby?" I ask softly.

His expression softens.

"Parker." I growl aggressively.

"Rey I'm sorry." He replies sadly.

"Sorry about what? What happened to her?!" I scream.

"When.. um.. when you collapsed I called 911 and they said it would be a ten minute wait. I knew you didn't have that long. When you had the anxiety attack I gave you CPR." Parker explains sniffling.

"But I took too long on the phone." He mutters slowly, stunned and far-away.

"The doctors said if it wasn't for me you would've died. The only problem was: the baby went too long without air. She died when I started to give you mouth-to-mouth." He trembles on, choking and stuttering in some places.

"I'm so sorry, Rey." Parker finishes softly.

Tears silently stream down my cheeks as I take the pain. Like fists to the stomach and throat.

I feel the tears soak the collar of my hospital gown.

I reach forward and pull Parker's shirt in my fists. I sob unyieldingly into his chest until my body shakes.

Parker kisses my forehead and soothes me, comforting my with his presence.

"Did my parents come?" I ask.

"No. The doctors called them yesterday. No answer."

"Wow. That hurts." I admit as another tear falls.

"Yea I know." Park says smirking slightly.

"I want pizza and American Horror Story. They make me, you know, not want to die."

"You can't eat for 24 hours before the surgery." Parker says carefully.

"They're taking her out?" I ask blankly.

"Yea. I still can't believe I let myself go as far as dreaming about us three being a family."

"You would've been a perfect father, Park. I know you weren't her biological dad, and that we're both so young, but you would've been perfect." I say dreamily.

"You would've taught her to play football and listen to Fall Out Boy and Sleeping With Sirens. You would've taken her to Yankee games. You would've taught her to read and write and count to 100." I let the words drift out.

"You would've been a great mom." Parker confirms. "She would've had your eyes and your laugh, your stubbornness. She would have my sense of humor, though. We would've pushed her into soccer because we wanted her to do great things. She would've won a spelling bee or two, I think." Parker adds smiling.

"Imagining her makes me feel like she's still here." I say slowly. I look up at Parker, his eyes gleaming with tears.

"Me, too."