To Be Loved (Harry Styles) ON HOLD

Author's Note

This is not an update.

So this is really hard for me to talk about.

And I'm sure that you've all heard. Zayn has quit one direction.

And I honestly don't know how to address this. I don't know how to word this. So I'll try my best.

For those of you who don't know, Zayn Malik has quit one direction.
There are many, many rumors going around.
Some include
•Zayn is re-joining one direction on June 23rd, 2015
•Modest! Management kicked Zayn out of the band
•Zayn only left so that one direction can make more money
•Zayn leaving is only a publicity stunt
•Zayn can re-join one direction whenever he feels like it.

Do I believe any of this? No. No I don't. I think it's all bullshit.
I really hope that Zayn does come back but, I don't know what will happen and the only way to find out, is to wait.

At school for the past two days I've noticed something. I'm the only one who is acting differently. My friends ask me what's wrong. My teachers make sure I'm feeling okay.
Here's the truth; everything is wrong. I'm not okay. I'm feeling like my entire world has been flipped upside down. One of my idols has just quit the band. How do you think I feel? How do you think the Directioner's feel? Here's some more truth. We all feel like shit.

For the past two days, I've only been wearing the color black. Black and only black. People ask me in the halls why I'm wearing black. I've say to them, I'm mourning. No one asks me who. No one asks if I'm okay.

Over three-thousand fans have committed suicide.

Zayn must be feeling so guilty. He probably thinks that each one of those deaths is his fault.
I would hate to be in that position.

I miss Zayn so much. I'm going to miss concert pictures of him. I'm going to miss his smile. I'm going to miss his voice.

And woah, it sounds like I'm talking about a dead person.

I don't know how to function. I just don't.

You see, I'm one of those people that needs time to process when something traumatic happens. I just am. I may need days, weeks, maybe even months before it will truly sink in.

I haven't cried yet. And that's only because reality hasn't hit me yet. And when reality does its gonna feel like a fucking truck.

I don't want to think about a world without Zayn being in one direction. I just don't.

I know eventually the world will move on. I don't know if I ever will though.

When I'm married am I still gonna remember that one fateful day when news spread that Zayn Malik has quit one direction? I don't know.

I'm so scared for the day when another band member(s) quit.

Zayn was like god. Where are we without God? Nowhere.

I have decided to continue writing this fanfiction. I'm not going to start it again right now. I'm going to wait a month or two. I'm going to wait until this entire thing gets less painful.

I can't even hear his name without my face going pale.

I'll miss you so much Zayn Malik. I hope to meet you.

-heyniallfxckme