from cradle
mothers fleshy womb and outpours placenta parted legs from which we emerge
a portal
say with which you want
women are other worldly
cut with umbilical will
we may be selfish
with our cunning
the intuition
biting at our bellies,
sharing your womb with a man who steals
takes your skin and collects it on the shelf, how many bones have i given away ?
given away something precious,
you never forget your first
he says.
how i wish to pour bleach on that memory
sex is so carnal and unfortunate
vulnerability masked
shedding your skin
is it a violation of your own will ?
when you said it was okay ?
i forgive myself
but
a small evil part of me likes to hear that you're rotting....
i gave you so much of me
but that means im rotting too,
i want to collect my bones
my dignity left on your bedsheets
my depression left in the doorway
women
woman
made from man only to suffer at the hands of them.
fingers combing through hair
lift me up off my feet so hard my skull feels as though its separating from skin,
my eyes were on the floor seeing how high you had taken me up,
if anything they shouldve fallen out,
i was ten.
approaching twenty and everything lingers,
a disease in the walls
corrosive thick muscus seeping down my legs
im so thankful i dont feel filthy anymore
my womb is special
you never should've had her
i should've kept her safe
its okay
i still love her
that younger girl is so much stronger now, and its all thanks to me and my realizations.
i will never say thank you for the things i experienced with you...
i will applaud you though,
fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me
accountability is honesty unwrapped under the tree, and all the little crying girls point fingers at who opened the dream house before mom got the camera
but there is no dream house
just a camera on me
over and over again replaying behind my eyes, eventually it will be white noise
its alot more silent these days
