Picking Up Broken Pieces

Bleeding hands, tearing down.

Picking up pieces just to fix things .

Little did i know, i will only get my self bleed from that pieces.

This is my story. This is how such a "special" person ruined everything about me. Its funny how you love someone so much that you are willing to destroy your barriers for them, all those walls that you build just to let yourself be off guard and to feel the amazing power of love.

I don't want to share our good old memories, all i want to expose is what i have felt. The devastation, the agony, the hallucinations, being crazy and losing my self for someone who doesn't even care about anyone but herself. Let me just give you a simple walk through for you to understand my story.

It all started with a random conversation. Until we ended up being friends then we got to know each other and fell in love. After a while it turned out to be the most special relationship, those sweet messages, dates, random things we gave for each other. We've been together through our ups and downs. Everything that you could ever imagine about being in-love, we've been there.

And that day came, the day i was thinking about, the day that i saw coming. The day i was afraid to face.

She said she don't want me anymore. She's tired of all the arguments, tired of understanding everything about us.

Tired of trying to make everything work. She's losing hope, the same goes with me. I feel so lost trying to analyze what's going on between us, trying to figure out how i can still hold her, how I'm gonna make her see that this love that is "our's" is still worth fighting for.

But how can i convince her to hold on, how can i convince her that we can still make this work, how can i make her realize that everything is worth fighting for if she decided not to go beyond this and just to let me go.

Everything has been all about her decisions and feelings. She never took my side, if only she know and if she put herself on my position then she'll see why i turned out to be like this.

This is what i intend to do, this is what i wanted to tell her. This is where the changes began.

Questions........

Thoughts.........

Clauses............

Randomness...

Memories........

Loneliness.......

What should i do? You've made me felt like every memories, words, emotions and love is thrown back right in my face. And so here i am, so devastated. Destroyed by a love that wasn't real.

I knew that i need to prove myself to get your approval. And that is when i knew what jealousy is. Since then i learned to be in competition. I've tried so hard to push my self beyond my limits just to show that i can do greater, that i can be the best person for you. I tried to be the "best" but no matter how hard i try i knew that i will never be, that i am still unnoticed. As everyone says, no one's perfect. I've got so much reasons to give up and to breakdown but i wont. I know its hard to let someone see that you're worth it, that you are precious than gold. So many questions running in my mind, and I'm trying to find all the answers but it seems like trying to answer a mathematical problem. I even let my self be your option, your second or your last choice. Don't mold me to a person that I'm not. You don't have to change the way i am just to make me the "right person" for you. If you cant handle me at my worst don't expect me to give my best. Just take me as i am because I've got so much reason to let you go, but i wont. I might try but i know i cant. I think this is the consequence of loving you this much.