Blackout Blog: Aeons Between Seconds

Opia: What I See in Your Eyes

Opia: "The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable"

The first time I encountered this feeling was a very surreal moment. You'd think you'd forget something so recurrent, so unconscious, but I will never forget that day. It was almost a year ago, and I was in class. Another class with the teacher explaining a lesson all too normally. I focus immensely during this specific class because I'm just naturally interested in the subject, but I was in such a trance of following the teacher around with my eyes, that I was caught off guard when our glances clashed. It lingered longer than a glance, almost a gaze, a stare, absolutely locked in place.

Stare

S t

a

r e

In those few seconds that we met eyes, I felt as if I've known this teacher for a century, and though he was far away from me, I felt completely exposed, and a connection sparked, almost telepathically. His eyes are fairly mundane, average brown eyes, long lashes, and a sharp stare.

But what were we staring at? Were we staring at each other's reflections? Observing the color of each other's retinas? The red veins sprouting in the whites of our eyes? I don't remember. It was so slow yet so fast, and after we broke our gaze, I felt as if I broke the surface of water after almost drowning. It was as if my consciousness had been returned to my body after being yanked out for a few seconds, like someone stole the air from my lungs and lunged it back into me.

Was I uncomfortable? It's not like I was doing anything out of ordinary, I was just focused, so why did it feel so raw? I couldn't explain it. I've encountered this another time but it was more short lived, same eye features, unwavering stare, but completely different person. Even though both these encounters had the exact same eye features, they still told different stories.

This moment of Opia is so intrusive, as if riddled with consent. Like getting caught changing clothes. You don't want to be seen in such an invasive and vulnerable state, not without giving someone the consent to. And even if there were no words exchanged during these moments, there was so much more:

-Curiosity: What lies behind those eyes? I want to know.

-Familiarity: Those eyes are a friend. Allow them into you.

-Caution: The instant urge to look away, doubting what the stare is supposed to mean, but also the inability to break the gaze and answer to your curiosity.

We never really observe the eyes of the people we converse with, it's too intimate for a normal conversation, so when it happens, it is phenomenal. Don't look someone in the eyes, observe their eyes, because looking is only about the exterior, scraping the shallow surface. Meanwhile observing is about dissecting, searching, and contextualizing.

I saw a mutual interest, a stranger that was breaking through the barrier I had placed, the line I had drawn, the walls I have built. Next time let the gaze linger,

because...

in between those seconds,

aeons pass

and aeons only pass when you least expect them to.

-Leen