Tornado of Unsaid Thoughts

Hopelessly Inlove

I'm aware that it's late, and that this may come off as annoying, maybe even pathetic...but I don't know, I thought of you today. It's just funny because there was a time when that was normal. It was normal for me to think of you all the time, now when it happens it takes me by surprise. Makes me laugh a little, smile more often, too. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're always remembered. Time has surely wasted away but not all of my memories of you have. I don't want to come off as a creep or anything but you were so important to me. Maybe I never expressed to you enough, maybe it seemed that I didn't care but I did. I miss the friendship I had with you. I've never felt that close to anyone, ever. Certain things only you understood, the same way I understood you better than anyone else. At least I know that even though I may not have anyone like you now, I did have you at one point and how you truly were remarkable. Hope someone out there sees how beautiful you are - a loving, and above all, caring person.

I'm not gonna lie there were days, and many nights where I begged every inch of my body to correspond with my pleas. I pleaded that my feelings did not interfere with my actions. I could feel myself dying to speak to you, dying to hear from you, dying to know about you. But, I couldn't allow myself to go towards my most ardent desire. Crawling on my bare knees, thru sharp pebbles in the middle of the night, to reach something so far away illuminated by the most beautiful light, was terrifying. The thought of allowing everything within in me to get hurt, to no degree, and possibly receive nothing in return, if not an outright refusal...rejection...was a devastating idea. To give the microscopic pieces of myself, the whole which had been shattered, to one being responsible enough to mend them piece by piece or destroy further...was a difficult step in the recovery of building a new shelter in my heart. A fortress unlike anything I had ever known. I wished for everything to be okay, to be fine and dandy...that you'd have the same kind of love for me, in order to rebuild all of the corresponding pieces into one. The one thing I could ever offer you, the one thing you could keep as your own, forever. A vulnerable girl with a heart of stone was willing to drop down her great steel walls, tare down the enforcements that kept it glued, all because she loved you. Loved you so dearly and intensely, unlike anything in the world. So much that she hardly recognized herself, she wore a new gesture, a kind smile, full rosy cheeks with parted lips and gleaming teeth. No longer being able to contain the happiness in her heart, it radiated throughout. Your hands in hers filled the void that had overcast her days, the sadness that dripped down her face, the knot in her throat, it erased every hurt, nick, bruise and pain in her soul. Your touch sent her to the moon and back, she could kiss the sun, and hug the sky when you held her. She knew no other love like this, her whole world revolved...she loved you with every ounce of blood in her body, with every cell in her blood, and with every beat in her heart. When you lay with her she felt the earth still, no pulse but your own. No sound but the sound of you. She was at ease as she listened to your chest, and breathed in your breath. You were her air, her life. Looking deep into your eyes she was lost...she...had no words to describe all that she could see within you. She synchronized to your rhythm and hum. She knew nothing else but you, she didn't care to know anything else but you. And with nothing you gave her everything.

(W.G)