The story of the stowaway

THE MARRIAGE

Caught ablaze in one world or the other. Dissatisfied with everything I have. I am never pleased. I have wandered from one place to the other and one might think ,'this is ( sure )where she must stop.
          It could have been one decade or two, if only I were married into that suitor's house but what did I do , I just did not appear for my own wedding. It was not as if , I was caught up in a business or something, I just did not appear on that blissful day.
       June 18th 1800, was the very day the matchmaking started and after this event the wedding will be preceded to the next three days.....Everything was just going on well until , my ex boyfriend appeared with my nude pictures and he sincerely promised to expose me if I dare leave him for another man.What could I have done? I stood there for a while looking at him angrily like a child wanting breast milk and finally agreed to his deal. This deal was certainly the end of me but before that, why did I ever offer myself to him? I was just a teenager by then, full of life and adventure and I sincerely never imagined myself to be threatened seven years after ( with what I did). Stephen was his name . He was by then for me , the most handsome man on earth until that night , 18th June, when I had to let the past go. Back to where I ended, he opened a paper for me to sign it promising him I will never wander off with another man come what may. I signed it , for I knew my body being exposed to the other side of the world was worth saving than a mere wedding. After I signed that , later , he greedily snatched it from my hand and rode off with the evidence as well as the deal. I just could not get it straight , what did I do ? Did I really sell my life to this demon? I could not get anything straight from that time onwards. All what I could do was sit down , take a sheet and scribble down something for I knew my end was nearer than I thought.
     The day before the wedding, a whole lot of preparations where made in my house from the bungalow to the balcony, I mean everything was so fascinating. I could not believe myself standing there clearly and having the thought to call off the wedding, it was just not so. That day , I could vividly remember myself leaving a letter with four words only,"I AM NOT READY"and immediately after that I took off .I just cannot remember what happened on the wedding day because , it was like a scene I had to forget but alI just could not . I remember my mom being humiliated and asked to provide every day spent on the wedding from the man's side.I cannot forgive myself for turning off my readily made wedding with Richard to just ran off to no man's land because of a mere threat from Stephen. Taking off from home , I just could see tears, mourning and curses raining upon my head.
        Three days after what I did, my mom got severely ill because she could not console herself with what had happened on that day .I have deeply regretted everything but I just cannot forgive myself . A week after the news I heard, I had a telegram read out clearly that ,the mayor's wife was dead . She suffered from an acute liver disorder which was just not possible to cure as army that time . Was it all my fault now ? I never expected this kind of outcome after whatI did .
                   Obviously, I was not invited to the funeral because I certainly did not deserve any invitation after my actions. On that day, the funeral  looked more lifeless than ever because my  father had already suffered a trauma before the day my mom die dad expected , everyone went round the body for three times and immediately after that , tributes were said
. I saw my little sister reading the tribute and recounting those horrible times and those memories which kept on engulfing my brains . I just stood somewhere watching and asking myself , it could have been better if I had tried. My mom was not the one to pay for what I did . It was all my fault.
          Little did I know, that my dad' s  death was right at the corner  because a month after my mom's death , an unknown man from God knows where badged into the house and gave my daddy the slaughter of his life. It was a painful one indeed . Sources had it that my dad not too long after my mom's death had to face bankruptcy for a short while not knowing the brutality awaiting him in the eyes of his killers.
   There was no trace as to what was the cause of his death because he owned no one. I could not take it in any longer. Two days after  the autopsy, the report was sent to my family and I glanced through it and saw the marks of the knife pictured and printed on the paper who could have done this to me . It was simply not worth it.
        The funeral was arranged earlier than usual . He was buried and everything which was like a bond binding me to the family was no longer there ....everything disappeared.
    My family had been separated from me for quite a longer while than what you may think. Ever since that day and that moment, I was seen as an outcast  in the family and no body neither remembered me nor kept memories of me in the house.
                   I had to leave the house and find myself  to another city for that was the very best I could do at that time. The things I packed and the money I had received stayed with me for a shorter while so after finding myself a place to stay, I moved in and sorted for a job to feed myself. Not to forget , the clashes and those desperate actions and the threats still disrupted in my memory .
   At this present moment , I am like a wind whirling from one junction to the other looking for either a job or business to calm my own .
I deeply regret everything from my youth because it looks like the thorn  which is as piercing as the nail .