Changing for the Worst (AmeCan)

4. Breaking Point (remake)

I woke up, yawning and fluttering my eyes open. I tried to move my arm, but something was on top of it, so I just gave up and figured Kumajiro was laying on top of me. I sighed and snuggled closer into my very warm pillow... that smelled like... axe and burger grease?!

I opened my eyes quickly, a firm chest blocking my line of vision. A bare firm chest... Alfred's bare firm chest. I felt my heart start to beat painfully fast and I quickly sat up, trying to wrack my brain for any pieces of information that could explain how I was in this situation. I couldn't remember drinking any alcoholic beverages. But, of course, you never remember when you drink an alcoholic beverage. And I definitely didn't remember... doing that with Alfred. So what happened?

I thought for a moment before remembering last night when I accidentaly fell asleep on his shoulder. I was so scared that he was going to push me of, or yell at me, or, no matter how irrational the idea was, forget any of this ever happened and leave me all alone. Forget who I was once again, and confirm me as a ghost.

I stared at Alfred, envying his childlike peacefulness. I leaned in just a bit to gaze at him like a forlorn lover. He was a mirror image of me, sort of, but if he was, why did he look so much better? I was like a poor kid wishing for a popular expensive toy. Alfred was something I'd never get, but that didn't matter to me.

I longed so much just to lean in a tiny bit, just graze those lips once, just for a little bit. Suddenly my face was close to his, and I could feel the breaths coming from his nose. If I just moved a little closer, I could make contact with him...

And then, to my horror, his sky blue orbs opened and he blinked at me.

"Matt?" He asked, rubbing his own eyes and sitting up."What're you doing?" I panicked and tried to look for something I could say, but it's like my mind that once filled with a billion thought was now completely empty. Like a sheet of paper that someone had used whiteout on.

"U-um... there was a bug on your face so... I got it off for you?" I mentally cursed myself for the stupid response. He'd never believe that horrible lie... I was fucked.

But Alfred just gave me a bright smile and got up off the couch. He stretched and gave me a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to fall asleep... heh. I guess we were both tired enough, yeah?"

I nodded and then walked up the stairs. "Hey, Al. I'm taking a quick shower... I'll be back in a few."

"Okay, bro!" Alfred said, walking into the kitchen. I walked up the stairs and closed the door falling on my bed. From the loud laughing downstairs, I was guessing Kuma was downstairs with Alfred, doing whatever talking polar bears did.

As I heard the laughing, I curled tighter into my ball, squeezing my eyes shut.

Could Alfred not see what he was doing to me? What was he doing to me? Why did he just suddenly notice me, talk to me? Why was he acting so nice? I was so scared, because I knew this wouldn't last forever. He wouldn't give me this much attention for more than a couple of days. So why was he doing it right now? Was he trying to toy with my emotions?

Why couldn't he just love me? What was I that he didn't like? Why couldn't I just become something different? Something he would like? Why was I so goddamn boring, so... me?

I used my shut eyes as a barrier to hold back the taunting tears begging to slip out from behind my eyelids. I got up and started the running water, turning it too a scalding temperature that I could be sure would wash away any thoughts. But, even after I stepped in, it still hurt.

My heart, it was still aching. It was still hurting.

Alfreds Pov