I never thought he'd be one of my best friends. He was silent. He was ignorant. He was clumsy. He was weird and had mood swings. He was bipolar. He was so not the man of my dreams. I never know how or why he became my best friend, but it happened. What hurts the most is knowing the fact that that's what we'll ever be.
It all started on the beginning of my freshman year in college. I had a crush on a classmate of mine. His name was Nathan James Andersen . Nat was cool and funny. He was nice and sweet. He was an awesome singer and a friendly person. He was my type of guy. Everyday, I would join their group just to see him, talk to him, or just to sit beside him. I was contented with that.
One day, our class decided to stay at a classmate's house. I went with him and five others. We ate, sang, danced and simply enjoyed the rest of the day. While the others were doing their own thing, Nat and I were jamming. I was playing the guitar while he was singing. We were perfect. By the time we had to go home, everyone departed, except Nat and Me. He was going to the mall to meet his friends and I had to go to the mall to take my ID picture. So we went together. LUCKY ME! :"> NOT :(
That was the time I met Zeek. He was Nat's best friend and our classmate. I never noticed him since I was always with the popular kids and I wanted to be with Nat. He was quiet and just stood there staring at me. I had to make the first move to say hi and to introduce myself. He just raised a brow and said that he knows me. Of course! I'm his classmate after all. =.= They were complete opposites! No one would ever guess why they became best friends!
Since that day, I needed to talk to Zeek. He was my only way to Nat. I must get close to him! He must be our bridge! But, he was unapproachable. He doesn't care about anyone or anything that doesn't involve his interest. Ugh! I wanted to punch, kick and choke him! Instead, I just slapped his arm. He stared at me again. I hate it. He's so not nice.
A month passed and Nat and I became closer. We became best friends! We were perfectly weird! Oh, Zeek was also there. He was already my friend that time and he wasn't really that bad. He just wasn't friendly. A few weeks to go and the dance audition will start. My class was divided into groups, some were pairs, some were a huge crew and some chose to do solo. Everyday we practiced. I was saddened by the fact that Nat was a great singer, yet he has two left feet. I had no choice. I don't want to do a solo. So I pulled Zeek to sign up too. He did, but he didn't become my partner. I don't even know why. So I search for an old friend of mine. His name is Bry. He's my co-dancer at my crew during high school. While the others practice, Bry and I did the same. We were practicing in a hidden spot because he had an uneasy feeling with my classmates.
After practicing, I saw Zeek dancing alone. I watched him. He can really dance! He's great! I was amazed! Then someone passed by. He pretended that he couldn't dance well. I just laughed there. He peeked at the passer-by and when she was gone, he began dancing again. It was so funny! I merely rolled laughing. He noticed me and raised a brow. I explained how I saw everything and he laughed. That was the first time I heard him laugh. Well, he laughs at green jokes, and gamers' jokes. But that laugh was because of me. I felt happy. I smiled at him, but then he stared at me again, pokerfaced. I shoved a bottle of water in his face, laughed, then stood up. At a distance, I saw Nat. My heart jumped! I became happier! He was with our classmates. They were sitting in a circle and were playing spin the bottle. I joined in.
I was thinking of choosing truth. I would tell Nat how I feel for him. I have a chance, that's what I thought. But then the bottle seemed to hate me. It pointed to Nat. He chose truth. A classmate asked if he had a girlfriend. And do you know what he said? HE HAS ONE. SHE WAS HIS FIRST AND HIS LAST. My heart broke. I didn't know what to do. Suddenly, the stupid bottle pointed to me. UGH! I chose truth. It was the biggest mistake I have ever done since then. Everyone asked me who I loved. I couldn't tell them I loved Nat. I couldn't afford to ruin the friendship we have. They were doing everything to make me spill it out. I answered... ZEEK.
Why Zeek? I didn't even know. I just remembered him that time. My mind was blank then. They asked my why. I was stuttering. I don't know what to say! I don't know what to do. Why Zeek? I don't know! He was just an excuse I used to hide my feelings. SO I told them about what happened earlier, about the dance, and the laughs, and everything. That day, my college life changed.
Nat would always pull me out of the popular group and bring me to where Zeek was. He said that he'll help me. He volunteered to be our bridge. That's how nice Nat was. He never even noticed that I loved him. But what's said is said, and I can't get out of it anymore. Everyday, the three of us were together. We were always having fun, we're always eating and we never grew tired of seeing each other. Zeek was my best friend now. Believe me; it took me almost four months just to get close to him! It was so not easy. And Nat? I accepted the fact that we would never be together. How? I met his girl. She was nice, smart, pretty and all-that-a-man-would-wish-for. They were perfect. They were in love. That day, I gave up everything. Every single feeling I had for Nat, so tried to focus on Zeek.
He was the exact opposite of what I used to think about him. He was funny, kind, caring, cool and awesome. He can also play the guitar, sing, dance and do funny gestures without changing his pokerface. He was the only one I had. I told myself that I should never fall for this guy, that I would do my best to remain as his best friend. I was happy once again. The sad part was... I was falling... falling for him.
Day by day, we grew closer. Each moment I had with him, I can't help but smile. I was never sad, angry, or bored whenever I was with him. But I was scared. Scared that I might fall deeper, and undesirably fall in love with him. For that, I walked away. Farther and father from him, I walked. I never told him why. I couldn't. I'm too scared that he might leave me once he knew how I felt. I was afraid to get hurt. I don't want to lose my best friend. But I had to go... I had to stay away for a while and think about everything. That maybe because he was the one comforting me back then, that's why I liked him; that maybe because he was only himself when he was around me. That maybe because I feel comfortable and happy with him. I shouldn't love him. He's my best friend.
One day, I heard news that in 9 months' time, he'll be leaving. He's going to move to another country and live there. I didn't know what to do. I cried. I don't want him to go. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to accept the fact that he's going for good. I couldn't afford to stay away anymore. I went back. Just like that, I went back to him. I never told him I cried, but he knew. That's how much he knows me. He knew that I know he's leaving soon. He just joked and smiled at me. He said he'll come to visit every year.
I hugged him tightly. I don't want to let him go. He's my best friend. He... was the one I love. I hate to admit it but I really love him. Not because he was my dream man, or because he was always there for me... I love him because he is who he is. His smile. His laughter. His scent. His eyes. His personality. His traits. Everything. I loved his good and bad side. I love my best friend. I wished he felt the same way. I told Nat that I'm going to tell Zeek I love him. I was supposed to tell him how thankful I was for having him as my best friend, and how lucky I was that I fell for him. I was supposed to admit my feelings.
That day, I prepared myself, my clothes, my looks, even my speech. I approached him, he was smiling a wide smile. I thought he knew that I was going to tell him I love him. I thought that smile was because of me. Then my world began to crash. He told me he's in love. Zeek's in love with a girl he just saw. She was his classmate in the only subject I didn't take. Everyday, he would tell me stories about her, how beautiful, smart, talented and lovely she was. I couldn't do anything but to fake a smile. I even made up my own stories so that I could make him jealous. But the sad truth was, HE WAS NEVER AFFECTED. He was supportive. He told me he'd help me. I was getting hurt, deeply hurt.
As he fell for this girl, I could not do anything else but to help him. He's my best friend after all, and that's what hurts the most. I am just his best friend. Not his girl friend. I have no right to be jealous or angry... but I am. I am happy to see him happy. But... I don't know what to do anymore, whenever he sees her pass by, he suddenly becomes friendly to everyone, waves, and tries to get her attention. I am here. Why can't he see me? Is it because there's a huge sign on my forehead that says "BEST FRIEND"?
I guess that's all we'll ever be. I am in love with someone I can never have. I am in love with someone I never thought I’d fall for. I am in love with my best friend. I am in love with Zeek Ivan Garcia. I am Charise Joy Fernandez. This is our story. MY story. What’s next? Nothing. I’m not hoping for anything anymore. I’m not using anyone anymore. In the end, the person I used to hide my feelings for Nat, was the person I totally fell for. In this world, never play with love, because you’ll never know that love was playing with you all along. The sad part was, love is winning and you are falling.
